No Matter What, We'll Always be Friends
by Shiki105
Summary: A series of one-shots written when the muse strikes. Lavi and Kanda friendship ONLY so NO BL Rated T for language
1. Breaking the Habit

All righty, so I got the idea for this a while ago. I couldn't concentrate on my main fanfic so I wrote a drabble. This is gonna be a series of drabbles dedicated to friendship (and friendship _ONLY_) between Lavi and Kanda, with each title being the song in my playlist which inspired it :D (unoriginal much?)

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man, as you ought to be well aware.

Warnings: Slight use of coarse language. And there is no yaoi in this. Isn't it strange that, in all my fanfics so far, I put a warning saying there will be NO yaoi? See, this used to happen a lot; I see an LK fic summary which doesn't mention yaoi and is under the categories of...I dunno...anything _but_ romance...I click it...I read...and I say, "FUCK! THERE'S YAOI IN THIS?! WHERE'S THE GODDAMN WARNING?!" that is why I have given up trying to find LK friendship fanfics on here...but, most people are sensible enough to put yaoi warnings but...if you don't, please do!

Anyway, enjoy the first drabble titled "Breaking the Habit" (Linkin Park ftw!! XD) and this particular drabble is an AU, just so you know.

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He'd done it again. He'd fought someone…and he'd nearly killed them. He knew the power his fists held and he knew he wasn't a temperate person but he still said things to make people mad and then he beat the living daylights out of them when they reacted angrily. The school had covered up the fight again but he couldn't keep going on like this.  
What a useless existence he had. Bent over the side of the bridge, he looked down at the dark waters below. He should just end it all right now. Yes, it'd be a relief for a lot of people and, on top of that, he wouldn't have to live with those fucking annoyances anymore.

A dull smile spread across his lips as he stooped over the bridge's edge…

"You know, if you have a problem with the way you live, you shouldn't take the easy way out. That's the coward's way."

He jumped back, startled at the sudden voice. He'd thought he was alone up here. It was the middle of the night, for fuck's sake! He turned to glare at the new arrival. "Who the fuck're you?" he spat.

Actually, he recognised the boy. He wore a coat which went down to his mid-thighs and he had a scarf wrapped around his neck. His hair was pulled away from his face by a bandanna tied around his forehead. One eye was covered by an eye patch. The stick of a lollipop was sticking out the corner of his mouth. His name was Lavi. He was in Kanda's year at school and he was really popular. He had the looks, the smarts, and…everything, really.

"Man, I was surprised to see Kanda Yu here." he said with a big grin.

"You're…Lavi, right?" Kanda asked, his glare not abating one bit. He didn't trust anyone from his school. They were all hateful rich kids stuck so far up their own asses they couldn't give a shit about others. That pissed Kanda off a lot; they were always preaching about how much money their fathers or mother had made that year or what they planned to do with their father's company and whatnot and how rich and successful they were going to be.

"Whoa, what's with that look? Am I interrupting something?" Lavi smirked.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Ah, you really are like a delinquent. I've heard loads of stories about you."

Kanda huffed and took a few steps forward. "You know nothing about me." He brushed past Lavi and made to keep going.

"Really? Can I take a guess then?"

Kanda looked back over his shoulder. "What're you talkin about? I'm goin home, idiot."

Lavi had turned to look down at the water below. Kanda couldn't see his eye. "You feel suffocated, like everyone's expectations aren't giving room for the oxygen to get in and you feel like you're dying inside. And you're so driven by the image that you made for yourself that you can't be who you really want to be…because the moment you do that, they'll jump at your weak point and eat you alive…"

Kanda stared at the boy in amazement. That…was true. He couldn't be himself because, if he did that, he'd never get any peace of mind and so he had to keep going with his delinquent act. He didn't want to keep beating people up. He really didn't. What he wanted more than anything was to graduate school with passable grades so he could make something of himself. But, for so long now, he'd been playing the bully that the role was wearing on him. He did it naturally.

He approached the boy. "You…what could you possibly have to complain about?" he asked wearily as he leant against the side of the bridge, casting Lavi a sidelong glance.

Lavi turned his face to look at Kanda properly. A smile spread across his lips. "Everyone has their share of problems to deal with in life, Yu."

Kanda narrowed his eyes dangerously. "Don't _ever_ call me that."

"You're doing it again, you know."

His frown this time was one of puzzlement. "Doing what?"

"Acting like the bully that you're not."

Kanda scoffed. "And why would you think it's an act?"

Lavi smiled a mysterious half-smile. "I know these things, Yu. I see a lot more than people give me credit for."

"Good for you. And don't call me by my first name, dammit!"

"I'm surprised you haven't tried to beat me up yet." Lavi snorted. "I hear you're very quick-tempered and throw punches around pretty easily."

Kanda glared at the boy again. "Don't tempt me, idiot."

Lavi smiled. "But, you don't want that image, right?"

Kanda scoffed once more. "That's none of your business."

"Of course it is! I consider myself a philanthropist. It's alright to talk to me these things; I wanna help."

"I'll pass, thanks."

The redhead pouted. "Man, and here I thought I'd finally be able to save someone tonight."

"Too bad. I don't need to be saved by the likes of you, idiot rich boy." Kanda snorted. What was he doing hanging around here anyway? His plan had failed and…the more he thought about it, the more this redhead's earlier words gnawed at his mind. _"You know, if you have a problem with the way you live, you shouldn't take the easy way out. That's the coward's way."_ Kanda wasn't a quitter. He wasn't a coward and what he saw in the other boy's words was truth. He had to control himself. He couldn't give people the satisfaction of getting under his skin!

"I'm not a rich boy. I earn my keep." Lavi said, still looking down at the water.

"So how d'you get into an elite school?"

Lavi shrugged. "My grandfather funds it as a sorta promise to my dad. But, aside from paying the fees, he doesn't do anything for me. What about you? No offence but it doesn't look like you're from a rich family."

Kanda scoffed. "I don't take offence in that."

"All right. So, how d'you come up with the expenses?"

"My mother's fund." The Japanese boy shrugged and stood up properly. "I have to go home."

"Later, then." Lavi said, still not moving from his spot.

Kanda cast the redhead a final gaze back as he began to walk off. He was surprised to find that he didn't want to leave. "Seeya at school," he said.

Lavi turned to give the Japanese youth a big smile. "Sure. Hey, you seem like a pretty cool guy; you're welcome to hang out with me, if you want."

Kanda scoffed again. "Who'd do that? Stupid." But, as he walked off down the bridge, he was mystified by the small smile on his lips.

* * *

How was it? Actually, if anyone has any ideas for drabbles that they have but can't be bothered to write them, then do tell :) there's no definite update rate for these drabbles; I just write when I can't concentrate on the main fic (which happens a lot -_-')


	2. Going Under

I said these were drabbles, right? And drabbles are real short, ne? I don't really like writing short stuff so, at the least, each one will be over 2000 words. So, I'll just call this a series of one-shots :) And I'm still up for suggestions, people!

The title this time is, as you ought to be aware, from Evanescence. Enjoy. This one's a canon setting.

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_**Going Under:**_

Read the accounts, record the events, remain neutral…remember…humans are but ink on paper…merely _ink_. Ink cannot talk to the writer. Ink does not deserve to be acknowledged as anything but a tool. Ink is just something to use. Remain neutral, unbiased, nonchalant…

Lavi clutched his head tightly. _Go to sleep!_ He ordered himself. He pulled the sheets tighter around himself and buried his head as far into the pillow as he could. But several minutes passed and he still could not drift off. He'd been lying in bed for more than an hour now, trying to forget his grim musings and get some well-needed rest.

Looking across at the other bed, he saw that Bookman was sleeping soundly. He envied the old man at the moment; at least he didn't to worry about Lavi's problems…or, more like, if he knew Lavi was having these problems, he'd beat the boy senseless.

Lavi sighed and got out of bed. Careful to avoid the floorboards that creaked, he crept over to the door and stepped out into the dark corridor. He didn't know where he was going to go at this time of night but it had to be somewhere where he could think. He got the right place immediately; the library. He exhaled wearily and trudged on to his favourite place in the Black Order HQ.

But, much to his surprise, one of the farther lights in the huge chamber was on already, indicating that someone was there. He closed the door quietly behind himself and crept silently from darkened aisle to darkened aisle of bookshelves, curious as to who would be here at this late hour.

When he got to the clearing where there was a table, he was surprised once again. Because, the one sound asleep with his head resting on the open pages of a book was none other than Yu Kanda. Lavi stood there a moment, unsure of how to proceed. He'd come here to think but he'd gotten a surprise instead.

Walking up to the sleeping boy, Lavi stole a glance at some of the book titles surrounding Kanda's head. He was confused, because there were titles like 'Informality among People" and 'Developing Interpersonal Skills".

He wanted so badly to laugh at that point. Lately, Kanda had been acting weird around everyone…especially Lavi. He didn't get angry as much anymore…or rather, he ran off before anything could be said to him for him to get angry.

It was during their last mission together that this had happened; Kanda had been in a tight spot fighting numerous Akuma and Lavi had been around to help. Later, of course, Kanda had snapped at him to never get in his way but Lavi has responded with "but that's what friends are for, Yu!" This seemed to have given the other boy pause but before Lavi had had the chance to inquire if Kanda was all right or not, he'd turned away without another word.

_So this is what's been worrying him_, Lavi mused as he picked up one of the books and browsed through them. All they told of was how to better one's relationships with others. Lavi kneeled over, clamping a hand over his mouth to stifle the sudden laughter that was bubbling up his throat. He couldn't believe _Kanda_ was reading stuff like this! No wonder the guy was in here so late; he didn't want to be seen reading this stuff! If Allen heard about this, he'd never let Kanda live it down!

Getting his mirth under control, Lavi put down the book and gazed solemnly at the dark-haired boy. His problems from earlier came to the forefront of his mind. This was a perfect example of why he couldn't just leave these people alone; their value was so much more than mere ink. He knew them; he knew the things they did on a regular basis. He knew how far their pride would go. He knew how they'd react in certain situations. He talked with them. He laughed with them. He listened to their stories. And he was moved by them. How could be not feel anything for them? Even though he was going to be the next Bookman, he didn't want to throw away his humanity, he wanted to keep his feelings, his emotions, his…awareness of these people.

They were _not_ just ink. But Bookman couldn't write without ink anyway. He sighed as he pulled back a chair and sat down. The noise, though minimal, was enough to rouse Kanda from his sleep. Pushing down with the forearm resting on the table beside him, he lifted his head up. His weary eyes immediately focused on Lavi and he jerked up. "L-Lavi! What're you doing here?!"

Lavi winced at the sudden noise. "Keep it down. I couldn't sleep so I came here to think a bit but I found you sleeping here instead. By the way, nice reading material you got there." He grinned.

Trying and failing to hide his sudden flush of embarrassment, Kanda looked away. "Tch. It's not like I care about this."

"So, what is all this? Light reading?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. It's not a crime, is it? Stupid."

The smile playing on Lavi's lips wouldn't go away. This was just too amusing. "At this time of night?"

Kanda huffed and folded his arms across his chest. "Shut up. It doesn't concern you anyway."  
"On the contrary, Yu-chan, I think it does." Lavi grinned again. "So, wanna tell me why you're readin books about getting to know people better? And you've been acting weird since our mission, you know…maybe even before that."

"Huh. I already said it's got nothing to do with you."

Lavi sighed and put up a finger. "Bettering you people skills, lesson one; when invited to share your thoughts by friends, you should take the offer and open up."

Kanda stared at Lavi's raised finger and then at the redhead's face. "What?"

Lavi smiled. "I'm trying to teach you something."

"Shut up."

"Ah, lesson two; if you don't have anything polite to say, then don't say anything."

"I said shut up."

Lavi folded his arms at the edge of the table and stared across at Kanda. "You've had me worried, you know. Every time I'm about to say something to you, you run off. If someone you considered a friend does that to you, it doesn't feel very nice, you know."

Kanda didn't retort this time. Instead, he gazed off at a nearby bookshelf. He looked thoughtful.

Looking across at him, Lavi exhaled deeply. His thoughts were in turmoil once again. His Bookman self was disapproving of his involvement with the other Exorcists and the Black Order personnel. Even now, the inner part of him that was "Junior" was voicing his objections at Lavi's worry for this Japanese boy sitting across from him. But he tried his best to silence it; something was going on with Kanda and Lavi was truly anxious as to what it was. Friends were that, weren't they?

Was it really that bad for a Bookman to have friends? In his heart (the heart that he was supposed to have abandoned long ago), he didn't feel that it was a bad thing. He could still write his records without letting his opinions get in the way so was it really so bad to go against those rules?

"Oi?"

Breaking out of his train of thought, Lavi looked across to find Kanda staring at him. The redhead smiled like he usually did. "What is it?"

Kanda looked discomfited now. He shifted his weight in the chair and looked down at the book in front of him. "What's wrong with you?"

Caught a little off-guard, Lavi's smile slipped a little, "Wh-what're you talkin about, Yu? There's nothing wrong with me."

"Tch. I thought you're supposed to take the offer up when someone invites you to share your thoughts?" Kanda grumbled as he flipped a page of the book, though his eyes weren't really following anything on the page. He looked really uncomfortable.

Lavi laughed once. "Wow, you took that to heart?"

"Why, shouldn't I have?"

"No, no, you should. I don't give empty advice, you know."

Kanda rolled his eyes. "Right. So, tell me what's wrong."

Lavi smiled. "No, I asked first so you have to say your bit and then I'll say mine, all right?"

The dark-haired boy clicked his tongue. "Tch. All right. Fine."

Lavi was surprised; Kanda had actually agreed! This had to be a first! "Ok, anytime you're ready."

"Don't rush me, stupid rabbit!"

"Sorry, sorry!"

Lavi watched the other boy intently. Kanda refused to look up to meet his gaze. Instead, he was looking down at his hands and fidgeting with his fingers, which was weird because Kanda wasn't one to fidget; he was never nervous about anything, and, even if he was, he never showed it. Whatever was on his mind must be bugging him a lot.

"I…this happened a while ago" he stammered, "…there was a mission down in China and…this group of kids was getting attacked by an Akuma and…but, they were…I don't know…the Akuma was after just one of the kids but the rest of them refused to leave their friend behind and…I…I found that…admirable…"

"Stop being so nervous, Yu. No one's judging you." Lavi sighed, unsettled at having to watch the other boy behaving so uncertainly. It wasn't like him at all.

"Shut up and let me finish, idiot!"

"That's more like you! Now, just tell me in a way just like you'd normally speak, all right?"

"That's easy for you to say, Mr I-can-change-my-personality-at-will." Kanda spat, glaring at the redhead.

Lavi's laugh was a little uneasy. "Take it easy, Yu. I don't change my personality; I'm just a good actor."

"Yeah, and I'm not so shut up and listen or leave me alone."

Lavi put his hands up in surrender. "All right, all right, I'm sorry."

"Tch." The indifferent expression faded as Kanda looked down at his hands again. "Well…after that, there was our mission a few days ago and…since then…I've…I've been feeling…somewhat empty…ugh, why do I have to speak about this?! It's humiliating!"

"No it isn't! Carry on! I wanna help you!"

"There's nothing you can help me with!"

"I can be your friend, can't I?" Lavi said. "That's what you're missing, isn't it? That's why you've been trying to avoid us all this time. Because you don't know what to say or how to approach someone to try to make friends with them…right?"

The fact that Kanda refused to meet his eye was as good as an affirmative.

He sighed. "They already see you as a friend anyway. And so do I. But you're worried that you'll have to change to accommodate these new feelings, right? That's not true because we like you just the way you are. You're Yu Kanda; the guy who's always angry and refuses to cooperate with anyone. Granted, there are some people, like Allen, who could do with you not being so uptight all the time and perhaps you should get a little less angry anytime anyone tries to approach you, but, for the most part, you just have to stay as you are."

"Done preaching yet?"

Lavi smacked his palm over his face. "I'm trying to be serious here."

"Tch."

When Lavi took his hand away from his face, he was expecting to see Kanda looking angry. But the redhead was surprised; Kanda's eye were still uncertain…almost, defenceless? How unusual for _Yu Kanda_ to be like this.

When he looked up at Lavi, he was trying to appear nonchalant but his eyes were too conflicted. "So…your turn, right?"

Lavi groaned. Although his friends all knew what his real self was like, he still didn't like talking about it. In fact, nobody really spoke about him becoming the future Bookman and leaving this place someday. "You know I'm going to leave one day, right?"

"Because you're just here to write your records and observe, right?"

He nodded. "We write the records. I remain neutral and don't become involved with anyone. That's how it was supposed to be. That's what I agreed to when I took on this alias and all the aliases before." He folded his hands behind his head and rocked back onto the back legs of his chair. He gazed up at the ceiling with a purposeful gaze, as if his answers were up there. "But…"Lavi" is just too real to be a mere alias…"

"So, what, you want to give up this personality that you created?" Kanda asked.

Lavi sighed as he straightened up. "No. Not at all. I told you; this persona's getting too real. I've made a lot of friends who are irreplaceable to me and I don't want to let that side of me go."

Kanda looked indifferent. "So don't."

"Huh?" Lavi blinked owlishly, confused by such a simple response.

The Japanese boy shrugged. "If you don't want to let go, then don't. It doesn't matter if you're going to be the next Bookman, right? If you want to stay as you are, then no one should be able to stop you."

Pondering on this, Lavi entwined his fingers behind his head again and pushed himself back to balance on the rear legs of the chair once more. Kanda had a point. If Lavi didn't want to let go of "Lavi" then there was no reason he should, no matter the consequences. He laughed. It was so simple it was almost ridiculous. He had a tendency to over think things so, sometimes, no matter how complicated or straightforward a matter, he always arrived at a conclusion after much internal debate. _Must be nice to see things so simply_, he mused. "That was a good thing you just said," he said.

Kanda scoffed. "Of course it was. Is that it?"

Lavi smiled. "Yup. That was it."

Silence fell between the two youths. Lavi was content to bask in the simplicity of the conclusion he'd arrived at. _It doesn't matter what gramps says_, he thought, _I'll do this my way. I don't want to be a cold-hearted Bookman for the rest of my life. I won't do it_.

"What…what're you thinking about?"

Snapping out of his happy thoughts, Lavi looked over at Kanda. The Japanese boy looked embarrassed once again. _As if asking your friends such a question is a crime_, Lavi rolled his eyes. But, he supposed it was a big step for Kanda. He grinned. "I'm thinking about how wonderful it is to be me, my dear Yu-chan."

Kanda raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

Lavi's grin widened. "Yup. Say, wanna go up to the roof? The night air up there's great."

"Um…sure…"

So they put back the books Kanda had been reading. Lavi wanted to tease the boy but he had a feeling that Kanda had reached his limit for friendliness tonight. Done with their task, Lavi led the way out of the library, closing the lights after them.

Their footsteps, although soft, echoed along the dark corridor. Lavi could barely make out the figure of Kanda beside him. He wanted to say something but he didn't know what without it sounding inappropriate. Kanda was going through a big change. Lavi was happy for him.

They eventually arrived at the stairs which would lead outside. Lavi sighed. "This is where I curse myself for forgetting my Innocence. It would have been so much easier."  
"Quit complaining; you were the one who suggested it." Kanda chided as he started up the stairs. Lavi groaned as he started after his comrade.

They reached the top and pushed open the door and stepped out onto the roof of the creepy building. "Gah, so cold!" Lavi hissed as the chilly night air stabbed at his skin, sending wave after wave of goose bumps along his limbs.

"You're an idiot," Kanda snorted.

"Easy for you to be calm when you're decked out in your uniform! Why're you even wearing that thing at night?!" Lavi exclaimed, frowning at Kanda's Exorcist coat.

"Cuz I didn't want to leave my room in a kimono." the Japanese boy shrugged as he went to stand at the low wall which formed the guard at the roof's edge.

"I see." Lavi went to stand beside him. "Man, if I wasn't feeling so cold, I'd enjoy this. It's nice out."

After a while, when the cold stabbing through his thin clothes didn't feel as bad, he did begin to enjoy it. The wind passing over the trees below, making the leaves rustle did create a somewhat spooky atmosphere but he was used to that. He'd come out here on plenty a night to think about things. But, lately, his mind had been too occupied in thinking about his problems to enjoy it much. But now he could. He felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he could finally relax.

He looked over at Kanda. The boy was deep in thought. "What're you thinking about?"

Kanda shrugged. "Nothing."

"Uh-huh, remember, Yu; being open towards people is the key."

"Shut up. Don't patronise me!"

Lavi chuckled. "Wouldn't dream of it, Yu."

"Tch."

He yawned. "Man, I'm tired."

"So go to sleep."

"Here? That's not a half bad idea, Yu."

Kanda looked at the redhead like he was insane. "Why would you do that?"

Lavi grinned as he flopped down and sat with his back against the guard. "Just for the hell of it. You should try that sometime."

"Try what?"

"Doin something just for the hell of it."

"It's pointless."

"That's the whole point."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"It's not supposed to. The idea is to have fun, Yu, to let your hair down every once in a while…so to speak."

Kanda frowned disapprovingly. "Exorcists don't have the time to be quite so relaxed."

Lavi sighed and he tugged at Kanda's sleeve. "Take a seat, my friend."

Looking like he didn't really want to, Kanda sat down anyway, imitating Lavi's posture. "What?"

Lavi shifted so he was facing the other boy. "You know, all fun and no play makes an Exorcist like yourself even gloomier. Isn't it depressing enough that we have a war to win at our age?"

"What're you talking about?" Kanda huffed. "Boys can join the army at the age of sixteen."

Lavi sighed. "I wasn't talking about that. And, besides, that's like last-minute backup for a nation suffering heavy losses during a war, you know? But, the kind of fighting we do, in some ways, it's a lot more depressing than normal, human warfare. They're fighting for their country; we're fighting for the world."

"All right, all right, you made your point." Kanda grumbled.

Lavi grinned. "So, as I was saying, you need to let up every once in a while. It's good for the soul."

"What kind of speech is that? You fail at motivating anyone in any way." the Japanese boy scoffed.

Lavi sighed. "I'm trying to tell you something important."

"Choose better words then. You should be good with that, right?"

Lavi thought about how to get across what he wanted to say, in terms that Kanda would understand. After all, it _was_ important to relax every once in a while, right? "Okay," he said finally, "if you constantly keep everything in, never once letting your guard down, in the end, you'll be the worst off."

"How so?"

"Because all your thoughts and your ideas and your unhappiness and everything else keep festering in there until the logic you started off with doesn't make sense anymore so you only do what you do because it's become a habit."

"I understand that but it has nothing to do with letting your hair down…or whatever. And, anyway, it has nothing to do with me." Kanda said, pulling his knees up to his chest.

"The idea is that if you gave yourself release every once in a while, you would always go into new battles with a fresh mind, you know? And that release can be anything; from playing silly, childish games to doing silly, childish things. In your case, just hanging out with other people and sharing your thoughts would be all right too."

"You suck at speeches."

Lavi laughed. "You're just a weird guy."

"So, what's that make you?"

"I'm a jester."

A small smile broke out across Kanda's lips and he turned his head the other way. "A jester…suits you."

Lavi beamed. He'd made Kanda smile! This was a most interesting night…"Thanks."

There was a companionable silence for a while. Kanda turned back to look at the redhead. His expression was…gentle, if it was possible for _Kanda_ to show such a face. "Thanks."

"Friends are there for one another, right?" Lavi smiled. He yawned again. "So, you think it'd be possible to spend a night up here? I'll make a bet with you."

Kanda seemed like he was going to decline but, noting the look that Lavi was giving him, he sighed. "All right. What kind of a bet?"

Lavi paused, his expression a thoughtful one. "Let's see…how about, if we do manage to stay the night up here, you'll start hanging out with me more often?"

"You sound desperate." Kanda smirked with grim amusement.

Lavi rolled his eyes. "Not at all; I'm only thinking about what's best for you, Yu-chan."

"Whatever. If you go back down before the sun rises, then you have to leave me alone."

"What?! Aw, c'mon, Yu! You shouldn't even be having thoughts like that!" Lavi cried.

"Shut up! It's awkward, all right?!"

"Meh, you're just a chicken."

"Say that again and I'll make sure you don't live to go back to your room, bastard."

Lavi chuckled nervously. "Sorry, boss. So, we got a deal?"

Kanda shrugged. "I suppose."

"All righty! Let's get some sleep! Hey, mind sharing your coat? It's too cold!"

* * *

"Has anyone seen Kanda?" Lenalee asked as she stormed into the cafeteria.

Various nearby Finders shook their heads. "Sorry, Miss Lenalee."

She sighed and cast a glance about the chamber, hoping Lavi might be here and would point her in the right direction. He usually knew where Kanda was. But the redhead wasn't in sight either, though she did see Allen and Krory. "Have you guys seen either Lavi or Kanda?" she asked.

Krory swallowed his mouthful before answering, "I haven't seen them but, last night, I was sure I heard some voices by the stairs."

"If it was last night, why on earth would they be there now?!" she exclaimed.

"Maybe it's a popular hangout spot for them?"

Feeling like this wasn't going to yield much results, she thanked her friends and left to look anyway. Her brother had requested that she call Kanda; there was another mission.

Looking up the long stairs, she sighed and activated Dark Boots. Who could be bothered climbing them all? When she got to the top, she deactivated her Innocence and opened the door.

She was surprised by what she saw.

Lavi and Kanda were sitting on the hard floor, leaning against the low wall, side by side. Lavi's head was resting against Kanda's shoulder and Kanda's head was resting against the top of Lavi's. Kanda's uniform coat was spread over their knees like a makeshift blanket.

_Aw, that's adorable_, Lenalee thought. But then she sighed. What had these boys been thinking, sleeping outside? They could get ill; the mornings were very cold these days! She strode over and tapped Kanda's shoulder.

"Kanda, wake up," she said softly, shaking his shoulder a little harder when the first attempt failed.

Kanda's eyes creaked open. He raised his head and looked up at Lenalee and the blinked sluggishly a few more times. And then he looked around. His eyes snapped open, sleep long forgotten. "Shit…made it to the morning after all," he mumbled.

Lenalee frowned. "What're you guys doing out here?"

He stretched, completely oblivious to Lavi's head falling away from his shoulder. Lavi woke with a start. "What?! I didn't do it!" He saw two pairs of questioning eyes and chuckled nervously, rubbing at his eye. "M-morning?"

Lenalee rolled her eyes. "Ok, will one of you explain what're you're doing out here? You could get ill!"

Kanda didn't bother to reply as he picked up his coat and stood up. Lavi shivered and followed suit. "Ow…my butt's gone square!" he cried, feeling his numb rear.

"Naturally, if you've been sitting there all night," Lenalee let her breath whoosh out, as if she was talking to an uncomprehending child.

He laughed sheepishly. "We had a bet to see if we should survive here til morning. Looks like I won, Yu."

"Tch, whatever." Kanda said nonchalantly as he slipped on his coat and, fixing his kimono, he disappeared through the open door.

"Ah, Kanda! Brother called for you!" Lenalee called after him. "There's a new mission!"

"Let's go. I need to get something warm." Lavi grumbled as he stumbled after his friend.

Lenalee sighed yet again and she followed suit. "Don't repeat this kind of thing again. You'll seriously make yourself ill."

He laughed weakly. "Worry not for I am indestructible!"

She shook her head. "Just get something to eat, Lavi. Hurry up."

"Yes, ma'am!"

* * *

Before anyone flames for making Kanda OOC at the beginning, I just wanted to try doing a Sai-eque moment with Kanda cuz I think it was really cute when Sai was in the library researching how to become closer to people ^_^ anyway, still up for ideas, people! I often get bored of writing my other stories so doing one-shots helps my self-esteem a lot :D


	3. I'm Alive!

Wow, so I finally got another one-shot up!! :D

Um, about the last one-shot, I don't think I was really going for something "possible". I mean, c'mon, Kanda and cute/sweet? Dat ain't possible!!! XXD if Kanda was ever to act cute, he'd be OOC, definitely.

And to Ann On E. Mouse, thanks! That's like the biggest compliment I've ever received!! XD

Anyway, this one's a bit darker since I like angst quite a bit. And, since it doesn't take place in any historical war, just assume it's a fantasy setting :D though it is trench warfare as used in the Great War, which was basically the sort of time period I had in mind...but, never mind the facts!! I said fantasy setting because, if anything's out of place, you know you can just say it's a world that the author created and be done with it XD

I dunno if Kanda's out of character for this, though Lavi might be, cuz of the situation and all...duh. Lol.

Anyway, the title of this one-shot is I'm ALIVE! by Becca. I thought it was a great fit, for some reason...

* * *

There had been a raid and they'd managed to capture one soldier from the enemy ranks. All day, the next day, they tried to get the young man to spill information.

The long-haired captain, Yu Kanda, was overseeing the interrogation. Time and again he asked the young man the same question; what field plans had their superiors devised? What were their next moves? But the young man never replied.

It was a thankless job. Imagining himself in that position, Kanda knew he would never reveal anything either. But, all the same, he got aggravated when the prisoner didn't answer and the volume of his voice kept dropping to a more deadly pitch.

At night, Kanda usually accompanied a few of his sentries while they patrolled the trench. But, tonight, they'd do without him. He'd been thinking he'd look over the map on table makeshift table in the little space he had here but he couldn't concentrate.

So he left the table and went to stand in the entryway. The fresh air from outside helped clear his mind just a little. Raindrops managed to find their way down the steep steps to the dugout and made the already squelchy floor even muddier. _How dismal_, he thought, looking up towards the trench. He couldn't quite see the sky from down here. He wished he could. It brought him a small measure of solace in these unforgiving situations.

All that was on his mind was how long he'd been down here, under these conditions. The war had begun more than two years prior. All that seemed to be happening was both sides suffering heavy losses. There was no gain to be had; just loss. Kanda had taken a trip to the field hospitals a few times and each time he did so with no intention of ever returning. He wanted to stay away from those places. Death was all that he'd smelt. That, and sorrow, and misery. Everyone had lost limbs, and lost organs…some had had their legs or arms (sometimes maybe all four) blown off by shells or a hail of missiles. Others had had their eyes gouged out by debris or shrapnel. When would this end?

But, it wasn't like he could afford to complain. He'd been in the army ever since he'd been a bratty little teenager; this was the life he'd chosen to live. His father had been a soldier before him, and his father's father too, and _his_ father before _him_. The men in his family had always carried the dignity and pride necessary to be soldiers.

But…war was making him sick. Why couldn't it just be over with already? What glory was there in all this bloodshed? Why had his father and grandfather lied and festooned the truth of war with pretty words like "patriotism" and "valour"? Why did everybody talk about war as if it were a good thing?! There was nothing good about watching the people around him get hit by bullets or get blown up!

But…he'd been taken in by it all. It had been his dream to be a soldier since he'd been a child. He wanted to be a strong and protect everyone. But who was he protecting like this?! No one! Not a single damn soul! Rather, he was adding to the injuries! It was all so useless…!

But he didn't want to back out now. He'd come into this profession of his own volition; he had to see this through to the end. Kanda was not a quitter; no matter what the circumstances were, he would see everything through or die in the process. Better than to be laughed at for being a pathetic fool. He'd achieved captaincy already. He'd come so far for his age. He'd been dubbed a "genius"…if there was such a thing when it came to war. He couldn't back out now…even if he'd wanted to. It would be a disgrace.

A small cough broke him out of his dreary train of thought and he looked towards the prisoner. The prisoner's arms had been bound and he'd been thrust up against the back wall of the dugout. In the dim light of the lamp, his face didn't look so healthy. He'd not been given anything to eat or drink since he'd arrived the previous evening aside from a few sips of water earlier that afternoon.

Feeling a sudden surge of pity, Kanda turned and went to one of the beds lining the dugout and picked up his canteen and went to kneel before the prisoner. He opened the canteen and held it out.

The redheaded young man looked up, his single-eyed gaze distrustful. "What? Is…it…poisoned?" he rasped.

"Tch. If we wanted to kill you, we'd have done so already," Kanda scoffed, still holding out the canteen.

The prisoner seemed to consider this awhile before he sighed and leant forward to receive the container. Some liquid sloshed down his chin when Kanda tilted the canteen up but he took a long swig anyway.

"Th-thanks," he said, sounding just a little better.

Kanda squatted down and screwed on the lid of the canteen. "What's your name?"

"More questions?"

"Strictly off the record."

The young man gazed evenly at Kanda for a few seconds. Kanda gazed right back. Five years of being in the army had taught him to always look people in the eye; it intimidated them. The redhead broke the gaze first and looked down at the floor. "Lavi." he said. "And you're Captain Yu Kanda?"

"I wouldn't expect an enemy to refer to me by my title. Just Kanda's fine."

"Ok, Yu."

"I said Kanda. Are you deaf?"

The redhead tried to smile, although he was unsuccessful. "Usage of first names denotes friendship, right?"

Kanda raised an eyebrow. "Do you realise where you are? Who said I'm your friend?"

"But if someone's bein nice to you then you should think of them as friends. Doesn't matter the circumstances."

"Exactly where do you think this is?" Kanda growled. "That kind of naivety does not belong on a battlefield!" How could anyone be such a fool?! Did this idiot not see the position he was in at all?! This was enemy territory! He shouldn't be spouting shit like that!

The small smile on Lavi's face slipped as he gazed down at the floor once more. "The battlefield was never the place I imagined myself to be." he said. A sound Kanda supposed was a laugh but was more like a cough escaped the redhead's lips. "All I ever wanted was to be a fuckin librarian and look where I'm at! A fuckin battlefield! Captured!" there was an edge of bitterness in his voice as he continued his rant. "And gramps was expecting me to know the exact details of how everything was run by the time I reached twenty." He huddled into himself as best he could with his arms bound at his sides.

Kanda felt compelled to apologise. "I'm…sorry."

Lavi scoffed. "What for? This is your job, isn't it?"

"Doesn't mean I enjoy it though."

Lavi looked up with a frown. "How old are you?"

"Nineteen."

Surprise was etched onto his face. "Same age as me?! And you're already a captain?!"

Kanda shrugged. "So?"

"N-Nothing…you're a scary guy."

Kanda didn't bother to reply to that. He'd been training with his father since he'd been a brat. And then he'd joined the army first thing which he'd turned of age…but he'd lied about his age because they only accepted over 16's and he'd only been fourteen at the time. He'd been here the entirety of the war and had quickly been promoted to the position of captain. But…he wished he'd never joined. He wished none of this had ever happened.

"You were conscripted, weren't you?" he asked the redhead.

Lavi nodded. "Yeah…I wouldn't have come…I didn't want to die," he smiled wryly, "pathetic, isn't it?"

"If you didn't want to, why did you?"

"Because gramps said I should. But he told me not to die."

Kanda let out a sharp breath. "You can't control something like that."

Lavi sighed. "Yeah. But it _was_ stupid to send me here if he wanted me to take over the library after he died."

Kanda raised an eyebrow. "I thought you just wanted to be a librarian?"

"In the library my granddad owns. It's huge. You should see it."

Kanda scoffed. "If only that were possible. War's a bitch."

Lavi looked down again. He was silent for a while and then said in little more than a whisper, "last week…there was a guy stood next to me…we were being bombarded with shells and…" he gagged, "…I saw him get hit…his head blew right off his body! I-I fell and…and when I looked around…the first thing I saw was his head…lying right in front of me…with his freakin eyeballs staring right at me! Fuck, I still have nightmares about it…" his voice was bordering on panic but he took in deep breaths to calm himself down.

Kanda could sympathise with that. After all, he'd seen one too many instances like that, some even worse. "What happened to your eye?" he asked, looking at the eye patch Lavi wore.

"Got hit by a bullet…that was the second day I arrived at the front lines." The redhead shuddered.

Kanda snorted, "Great memories…it's all bullshit…even the glory that the old fogeys tell you about."

"Yeah…"

There was another silence. Kanda wondered why he was being so talkative. It wasn't like he couldn't share these kinds of things with the men of his company but, they all looked to him with such hope that he couldn't bear to talk about such dismal things with them. Even when officers were debilitated or got killed and were replaced by others, he always told his men the same thing. _"We'll make it out of this, one day. We just have to keep moving forward."_

Everyone lost that hope occasionally and they all knew he was just as apprehensive as they were about what the future would hold. But that he continued to put up this unbreakable front was what appealed to them so they followed his example. It was really all he could do; just to provide them with a smidgen of hope. He couldn't even protect them when they were under attack.

"You…You're…here cuz you want to be, right?" Lavi asked.

"I suppose so." Kanda shrugged.

"Why?"

"I wanted to be a hero." he smirked. If he was lucky, maybe he'd die before long…he didn't want this stupid lifestyle anymore. Sometimes, they had to trek for days to get to another trench or base, heaving their heavy packs on their backs. Their feet would get covered in blisters. And, while they were in the trenches, they couldn't remove their boots, no matter how much it hurt. The food was terrible and, until they got to a base, they couldn't have a shower, which could take weeks and weeks.

But a large part of him didn't want to die yet either. He wanted to experience a life outside of the military. If he did live through the war, he would leave the country and leave the home which had inspired him to become this. He didn't care if his father or grandfather would disapprove; he wanted to pursue something new, something…in which he could truly be happy. "Ridiculous, isn't it? The shit kids come out with?"

Lavi didn't look in the least surprised or amused. "No…I think that's…pretty cool…but, a battlefield isn't the place to be a hero…in the true sense of the word."

"Yeah. I know."

There was another silence. Kanda was feeling tired but he couldn't go to sleep. He'd made it his responsibility to watch over the prisoner but there wasn't really any need to. It wasn't like Lavi could escape. But, what would happen to the redhead now? It was customary for prisoners to be led to detention camps. Once there, they would stay until either the war was resolved or the two sides agreed to exchange all the prisoners they had captured.

It could take years in detention. And the conditions weren't good. How many times had Kanda led a prisoner there, watching as all hope drained from their eyes? Who knew what would happen before the war was resolved? Death visited frequently.

Kanda had never spoken to any of them like this before, though. Actually, he'd probably never been on such familiar terms with anyone. How would he feel escorting this man to his doom? He'd never had many friends before. He was always aloof. It was better not to make friends in war; you might just end up watching them be killed right before your eyes, and then looking back on the event for years afterwards thinking "could I have helped in any way?" It had happened often enough with those around him that he felt responsible for. So why was he talking to the prisoner? The prisoner's death wasn't as inevitable as those of his men but his spirit would get crushed unless the war ended soon.

As if sensing Kanda's thoughts, Lavi asked, "What's…going to happen to me now?"

Kanda looked away. "You…must know, right?"

Lavi heaved a sigh and nodded. "I'm going to die."

"You might not."

Lavi scoffed. "I've heard stories about what happens in detention; I'd rather die."

He was being calmer than Kanda had thought he'd be. The redhead knew he was going to face brutal conditions, and he'd said he didn't want to die. He'd said he wanted to be a librarian. How must he be feeling now, knowing that his dream to be a librarian would either be put on hold for a few years or that he might never get to live it out?

During the harsh nights at the detention camps, would he be remembering how it felt to read a book in his grandfather's library? It must be nice living in quiet solitude among books. For Kanda, the idea of complete peace, without having to worry out the groans and screams of his subordinates or the shells flying overhead and hitting home with deafening explosions or the rapid patter of machine guns or missiles, was so appealing. Anything away from the frontlines was appealing to Kanda.

Lavi smiled grimly. "Perhaps if we'd met under better circumstances, we'd have been able to be friends, you and I?"

A half-smile curled the corner of Kanda's lips. "Perhaps." He felt sorry for this man. Lavi was with the enemy, certainly, but he wasn't the cause of this war. He was a victim, just like the rested of the soldiers out there who'd been made to join, on both sides. No, no, that was wrong; all soldiers, willingly in the field or not, were victims of this beast called war.

Indeed, if they'd met under better circumstances, they'd have been friends.

A while later, the patrol switched swifts with the three barely awake soldiers in Kanda's dugout. Still feeling sorry for the prisoner, Kanda decided to call it a night.

The next day, Kanda interrogated Lavi again. He didn't want to but it was expected of him so he had to. This time he didn't get angry when the redhead wouldn't respond. He was actually glad for the man. But, because they now had no use for the redhead, Kanda would have to let the escorts take him to the detention camps.

They waited in the dugout for the escorts to come. Escorts specialised in taking care of the prisoners of war.

"H-hey…c-can you…send them away?" Lavi stammered, looking at the men standing in the entry of the dugout.

Kanda looked back at them. They looked confused. He sighed. "You heard him. Go."

"Yes sir." They turned and trundled up the steep steps of the dugout.

"Everything all right?" Kanda asked.

Lavi snorted. "Hardly. I might as well just ask you to kill me now instead of going to that stupid detention place."

Feeling somewhat awkward, Kanda replied with, "Er…right. Stupid question."

Lavi looked glum as he slid down the wall he'd been leaning against and sat on the floor. The shackles around his wrists and ankles clattered and then became silent. "Hey…if I live through the war…will you come visit me?"

Kanda frowned. "Why?"

Lavi smiled shakily. "C-cuz I said so before, right? If we'd met under better circumstances, we coulda been friends?"

"Your naivety surprises me." the young captain scoffed.

Lavi shrugged. "What can I say? My "naivety" is what keeps me going in this miserable place."

Kanda smiled an odd half-smile. "Good for you."

"Thanks. So, will you?"

Kanda thought about it. He wouldn't mind seeing this young man again. And he _had_ agreed when Lavi had said perhaps they'd have been friends if they'd met elsewhere. "Sure."

Lavi grinned. "I'll be looking forward to that in my dismal years at the detention camp then."

"You can actually joke about things like that?"

He shrugged. "I have to. God only knows how bad it's gonna be over there."

"Well, I wish you the best."

"Thanks, Yu."

"It's Kanda."

"Friends should call each other by their first names."

* * *

Kanda looked up at the ancient-looking building before him. _This is it, right?_ He thought. _Well, only one way to find out_. He took in a deep breath and walked towards the dark brown huge double doors that made up the entrance. He was suddenly apprehensive. What if there was no one here?

He pocketed the little note in his hand. How many times had he re-written that address in order not to lose it? It had been not six months since the war had ended. That address had gone from a tattered paper to a clean one about ten times over the past three years. He'd not wanted to lose it.

He stood in the foyer of the building, looking around. His black ponytail swished this way and that as he turned his head to look from one side of the huge chamber to the other. All he could say about the place was…books. There were loads and loads of bookshelves lined with book after book after book. It was so quiet and serene. The counter at the side was unoccupied but he went over to stand by it anyway. If someone would come, they'd come here, right?

He was still looking around when he heard a dull thud behind him. He whipped around and saw a redheaded man standing in the doorway leading towards the back of the library. His hands were spread out and at his feet was a messy pile of books. "Y-Y-Y-Y…" he stammered.

"Yu?" Kanda finished. A smile so great that it beat all of the smiles he'd smiled in his entire life put together broke across his lips as he went to stand before the redhead. "Yo, been a while."

Lavi looked a lot thinner than Kanda remembered but he could have been wrong. After all, he'd only known Lavi for, what, two days? And it had been so long ago! But the redhead's face was a little thin and unhealthy-looking. The release of prisoners hadn't been too long ago so Lavi wouldn't have been home for more than a few weeks now. But, hopefully, he would improve.

"Y-y-y-you're…you're really here!" Lavi exclaimed.

"Yeah. I'm here."

A slow grin spread across Lavi's face. "Great. This is _absolutely_ great!"

* * *

So, how was it? I'm not really sure how I did with the ending though :( anyway, hope you enjoyed it and thank you so much for reading! ^_^

Oh, and this humble writer is still up for suggestions, yo!! Thank you again!


	4. Somewhere I Belong

All-righty! A one-shot in honour of our beloved redhead's birthday :) happy birthday, Lavi! (even though you are a fictional, 2D character and hence do not exist) still, we love you, man!

The wordcount of this one really surprised me. I'm so proud of it!!! That reminds me, I said all my one-shots exceed 2000 words but the first one don't. It's just over a 1000 :( but, anyway, dun matter, right?

A few things about this fic:

1. It's an AU.

2. Kanda's character is weird but I think it fits the setting heh heh. He talks a lot more, lol.

3. Abused!Lavi. You have been warned. Don't shoot me, I beg thee!! And I feel sorry for Bookman cuz I know he wouldn't seriously beat the little rabbit up, right? Or would he...?

4. The ending's shit, haha...Ahem, that's not funny...maybe I'm just a little high...ah, yeh, the ending; I got a little impatient and rushed it so there's no background info on Kanda at all XD damn, that ain't amusin...

5. Title from Linkin Park's song: Somewhere I Belong. I hope it fits :|

* * *

Lavi's nose was buried in a book as he walked across the school grounds, towards the exit. He was, as usual, the last student out after the final bell had rung. Reading in school after all the students had gone home was relaxing, far better than at home where he wouldn't get any peace of mind.

As he turned the page, he heard a sound and turned his head to look to the side. He froze.

Standing in formation was a group of fifteen or so boys, all wearing his school's uniform. They were carrying some kind of weapon and smacking it against their open palms. The one had the front even had a mean-looking katana! Feeling apprehensive, Lavi turned his head to look at his other side. There was a similar group of boys standing there. Except they were larger in number and their uniform wasn't of this school. All the assembled boys were glaring at him.

_A fight between inter-school delinquents!_ He thought with dread. _And I just walked straight through the middle of it!_

"Oi, you!" the one leading the delinquents dressed in Lavi's school's uniform shouted out, "What the hell're you doin?!" He was the one with the katana and he had a long ponytail and wore a sweeping black coat. He looked impeccable.

"I-I'm sorry!" Lavi said. "I-I'll go now!"

"Tch…get him away from here." the one with the katana looked at his followers and jerked his head toward Lavi.

"Yes boss!"

"Eek!" Lavi cried as he was surrounded by three burly boys. "Wh-what'd I do?! I said I'm sorry!"

"Hey, don't show the boss that kind attitude!" one of the three boys snapped. "You're coming with us while the boss sorts this out!" And, so saying, the delinquent grabbed Lavi by the scuff of the neck and began to drag him away, around the school building. Behind him, the fight between the remaining delinquents and the other school's boys broke out.

Once they were out of sight of the fight, Lavi jerked his lower leg up and kicked the boy who was manhandling him right between the legs.

"Aniki!" the other two boys called out as their "brother" went down. They scowled at Lavi and charged.

Lavi easily deflected the first punch aimed at him. He took hold of the same wrist and pulled the boy close and kneed him in the stomach. The boy keeled over, gasping as he fell into the third boy. The third one pushed him out of the way irritably and proceeded to bring a fist around in what would have been a mean hook had Lavi not evaded in time. With his first attack having failed, the third boy attempted a sweeping kick at Lavi's abdomen. The redhead's elbow took the brunt of the impact as he shielded himself and, without a moment's hesitation, he sent his fist crashing into the opponent's face.

The first boy had managed to get on his feet and, although he was staggering a little, he approached with the intent to attack.

But he didn't get very far before a voice rang out behind him, "That's enough!"

He turned around, surprise on his face. "K-Kanda!" he cried, dropping his fist.

Lavi frowned as he took in the sight of the boy who'd just come around the corner of the building. He was flanked on either side by the delinquents Lavi had seen before, some of them with cuts and bruises on their arms but otherwise fine. Kanda didn't have a single scratch on him. The unsheathed katana in his hand dripped blood.

"H-has Morino's gang…?" the boy who'd been about to attack Lavi began.

Kanda nodded curtly, the frown not leaving his face.

Lavi's single green eye nearly bogged out of his head. _A-already?_ He thought with incredulity. _He took them out already?! It's not even been three minutes! And they were outnumbered!_

Kanda looked down at the pathetic state his three men were in. He then looked over at Lavi. "You beat them?"

"A-ah…s-sorry…" Lavi stammered. "B-But…s-self-defence, y-ya know?"

The leader of the delinquents narrowed his eyes, his attention fixed solely on Lavi, as if he were assessing the redhead.

Lavi was scared. He didn't often brush up on his martial arts skills and he tried not to fight if he could help it. But, now, even if he did fight back, he'd get beaten for sure; there were too many enemies.

Kanda turned his attention once more to the three battered men. "If you three keep doin shit like this very time I give an order, you're out. You hear me?"

The biggest of the boys, the one who'd been about to attack just before Kanda came, bowed, "Y-yes, boss! Sorry, boss!" the other two followed his example.

"And you," Kanda pointed a finger at Lavi.

"H-hai?"

He lifted his blade and then brought it down swiftly, sending blood dripping in its wake, and then sheathed it at his waist in one smooth movement. "Come find me tomorrow morning during break time." and with that, he turned with a swish of his coat and stalked off the way he'd come. All his men followed obediently after him.

Lavi watched the boy go with awe. _Who _is_ that guy_?

After a few moments of gawking, he remembered he needed to get home. He scurried forward and picked up the book he'd dropped and began to head towards the school gates.

He saw the aftermath of the fight which had taken place and he was shocked once again. The twenty or so pupils of the other school were all on the ground, unconscious with blood spewing out of severe wounds.

_Wh-where the hell are the teachers?! Isn't anybody going to do anything about this?!_ He thought, bewildered. But he couldn't do anything about it. It would be best to forget all about this incident and just go home.

Home, as usual, wasn't the inviting safe haven it should have been. The first thing Lavi received when he walked through the door and into the cluttered apartment was a kick to the head. "Where have you been, you little ingrate?!" his grandfather snapped.

"I-I'm sorry, Jiji!" he cried, massaging his head as he heaved himself up to a sitting position. "I-I was at school!"

His grandfather, a small old man with an odd ponytail that stuck up above his head, glared down at him. "You haven't any reason to be at school until this hour! It's almost six!"

"I-I'm sorry!" Lavi made to get to his feet. He'd been at the school far too long today. He should have known this would happen. This happened whenever he was home even half an hour later than was expected.

But the moment he got to his feet, his grandfather kicked him again. And, with that, the old man turned on his heel and strode into the paper-strewn living area. "There's work to be done. I'm off to the library so have this place cleaned up before I get back. And make dinner too, you freeloader. And do your homework."

"Ok, Jiji." Lavi mumbled as he picked up his book.

His grandfather huffed irritably as he slipped on a black coat and headed out. Lavi heaved a sigh as the door closed. It was always like this. This was why he didn't like coming home.

_Well_, he thought as he went to his bedroom, _better get started_.

He changed out of his uniform and went to begin his chores. But, before he did, he looked down at the picture on his desk. _Why'd you leave me with this old panda, mom?_ He thought glumly as he gazed at the couple in the picture.

He moped and cursed his grandfather for a while before deciding that the punishment for not doing the chores wasn't worth idling around for. He went into the living area and started to pick up the piles of paper off the floor and sorted through them in order of topic and left them in neat piles on the table. Books were lying everywhere which also needed to be sorted.

His grandfather owned a nearby library. It wasn't just any old library though; this one specialised in world history. His grandfather apparently held a masters degree in the field and he'd opened his own library for archiving purposes. It was a major attraction for history enthusiasts. Lavi was interested in it too. History had always been his strong point. Even his mother had had a great degree of liking for the subject.

New books came in every day which had to be sorted through before they could be put in the library, along with assorted paperwork so the apartment was always cluttered. And, since he'd arrived here a few weeks ago, it had become Lavi's job to clean up and sort through his grandfather's mess. The old man had shown him what to do for the first few days and would then go to the library as soon as the boy got back from school. The old man said that since Lavi was staying here for free, he had to pull his weight.

Two hours later, Lavi was finished with the cleaning. _Now to make dinner,_ he thought with a groan. He went into the little kitchen and decided on the dish to make when he saw a bunch of fresh vegetables sitting on the counter_. Stir-fry it is then._ He rolled up his sleeves and got to work. It probably wouldn't be that good but at least the beating he'd receive for it wouldn't be as dire as the one he'd get if he didn't do anything at all. He'd learnt to listen to his grandfather; ignoring the old man just wasn't worth the pain.

But he really disliked being in his grandfather's presence. Even when he'd come here a few times a year while his parents had still been alive, the little old man had always been harsh. This lifestyle was tough. How could he possibly survive under circumstances like these? How could he have fun when this was all he had to come back home to? How dreary.

The door banged closed in the living area. "Lavi! Is dinner ready yet?!" the old man barked.

"Yeah, Jiji!" the boy called back. "Almost done!"

Jiji stepped into the kitchen and came to have a look. "What is that?!"

"S-stir-fry…?"

Lavi received a whack to the head which made him wince. "What're you doing?! The vegetables are burning! Even the sauce is turning black! Out of my way!" his granddad shoved him out of the way and took over. "Go do your homework! No dinner for you tonight, you incompetent fool!"

Lavi slunk away to his room feeling depressed. His stomach was rumbling. He should have got something to eat before the old man came back but he'd been too busy with the stupid stir-fry. The next time he'd get to eat would be at breakfast, if he was lucky. He had a tendency to sleep-in so he might just get woken up by his granddad with barely twenty minutes to spare until class.

With nothing better to do, he sat at his desk and pulled out his homework. At the least, his grades were impeccable.

* * *

Lavi was sitting on the school roof reading. He didn't make it a habit to come up to the school roof but he'd come today to hide. It was already break time and he didn't want to be found out by those troublesome delinquents. He hoped they wouldn't think to look on the roof.

But, unfortunately, not five minutes since he'd arrived, the door to the roof opened and Kanda stood in the entryway. Lavi froze.

"You're already here," Kanda said as he strode forward. "Punctuality is good."

He stood beside the redhead, looking out through the high fence at the town. "Yesterday, you defeated three of the guys."

_Uh-oh_, Lavi thought as he spied the katana at Kanda's hip, _he-he's going to slice me up!_

Kanda turned away from the view of the town and squatted down at Lavi's side. "We've been looking for new recruits."

Lavi looked stunned. That hadn't been quite what he'd been expecting. "Wh-what?"

"We're looking for new recruits," Kanda repeated slowly, as if he were talking to a dimwit.

Lavi felt annoyance. "I understood you the first time."

"Good, so don't make me repeat myself in future."

There was silence. Kanda whipped out his katana and started to polish it with a cloth he took from the pocket of his coat. Lavi was on edge. _Wh-what's he…doing with that thing…in SCHOOL?! _He tried to inch away. "Wh-why do you have a katana?"

"Hn?" Kanda cast him a sidelong glance. "That's none of your concern."

"B-but…d-don't the teachers…say anything?"

A mean-looking smirk curled the corners of Kanda's lips. "They wouldn't dare." He swung his sword, making Lavi shriek as the tip of the blade passed right under his nose. Kanda frowned and pointed the blade at Lavi's throat. "Are you a girl? Make a pathetic noise like that again and I'll cut you up."

Lavi clamped a hand over his mouth. "S-sorry. B-but please stop waving that thing around!"

Kanda's face suddenly took up the entirety of Lavi's field of vision. "You giving me orders?" he asked in a quiet hiss.

"N-no, sir! It was a request!" Lavi stammered as he tried to back away.

Kanda harrumphed and sat back down. "Report for duty after school today. In the history room."

"Why the history room?" Lavi mused. "Ah, wait! I can't! I'm sorry! I can't!"

The tip of Kanda's katana found Lavi's throat. A feral grin tugged at Kanda's lips. "It's not open for discussion."

"Wh-wh-what kind of recruitment is that?! Th-that's called t-terrorising!" Lavi squeaked with his back against the fence.

Kanda shrugged as he backed off. "Long as it gets the job done." He hoisted himself to his feet and sheathed his weapon. "As soon as school ends. If you're not there, I will hunt you down and kill you, do you understand?" he looked back once, his dark eyes cold and menacing.

Lavi shivered. "Y-yes, boss."

After school, Lavi made a dash for it. He didn't want to be killed here but being killed at home was even less of an option. At school, he'd probably be able to evade Kanda but he couldn't avoid Jiji at home.

His grandfather still ranted and hit him even though he came back on time. "I'm going to the library. Everything better be cleaned up by the time I get back!" the old man snapped as he donned his coat and stepped out, a cardboard box stuffed with books cradled in his arms as if it were a precious child. _Books probably mean more to him than people do anyway,_ Lavi thought sourly.

He started cleaning up. There was always a fresh wave of books and paperwork coming in so it was always messy, no matter how much he tidied it away. And sometimes his grandfather brought back old books to have a look at over the night and they always littered the place, along with other assorted paperwork about the library.

Not ten minutes passed by before there was a knock at the door. He went to see who it was, expecting one of the neighbours. But he got a surprise when, the moment he opened the door, a blade was levelled at his throat. "You didn't turn up. I'm going to kill you now." Kanda said with a nonchalant expression on his face.

Lavi took a step back, his heart suddenly hammering inside his chest. _I'm going to die!_ He thought. _He actually hunted me down! How does he know this address?! What am I gonna do?!_ "I-I'm sorry…b-but…I'd get hell from Jiji if I didn't get home on time…!"

The sword was shoved up against his exposed throat. Kanda stepped inside, closing the door behind him. "As if I care. When I give an order, you follow it. You understand?" the blade prodded the redhead's skin.

Lavi's hands were up in surrender as he kept backtracking until he hit the wall dividing the living area and the two bedrooms. "I-I said I'm sorry. A-anyway…I-I never expressed interest in j-joining you…"

Kanda's eyes narrowed. "Hn? I did say it wasn't open for discussion."

Feeling a mixture of exasperation and desperation, Lavi's plea came out more forcefully than he'd intended, "look, I'm sorry! Please don't complicate my life so selfishly! Up until now, school was the only refuge I've had but you've ruined _that_ for me too! Please just leave me alone!"

Kanda glared. "You ever yell at me again, scum, and I will end you."

Lavi squeaked as the blade dug into his skin and, with a sharp prick, managed to draw blood. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to shout! Really, I'm sorry!"

Kanda's glare didn't abate. "So, what're you going to do about it?"

Lavi blinked owlishly, uncomprehending, "about what?"

"About pissing me off!" Kanda growled.

Lavi squealed again and, not wanting his life to end there at that moment, he cried, "I'm sorry! I'll join you, okay?! I promise I will!"

The blade was removed. Lavi breathed a sigh of relief. But Kanda wasn't done talking. "You show up tomorrow or I will make sure you end up in hospital…or the grave, got that?"

The redhead nodded, feeling weak.

Kanda turned on his heel and strode to the door. "Break time tomorrow. On the roof. Be there or die."

The door slammed shut.

Lavi's shoulders slumped in defeat. One way or another, he was definitely going to die.

* * *

When he showed up on the roof the next morning, Kanda was already waiting. This time, two other boys sat on either side of him, looking formal with their back straight. Kanda looked up as the door opened. "So, you came."

"Y-yeah," Lavi stammered as he took cautious steps towards the trio.

"I was about to send for you."

Lavi stopped awkwardly before the three relaxed youths. Kanda motioned his head at the floor. "Sit down." Lavi did so.

Noticing something, Kanda sat forward with a frown. He stretched the bottom of his saya towards Lavi's chin and jerked his head to the side. "What's that?" he asked, looking at the angry-looking bruise visible just beneath the end of Lavi's bandanna.

Lavi smiled uneasily as he moved back. "N-nothing…"

Kanda frowned. "Don't get into worthless fights. We don't fight for no reason."

Lavi tried very hard not to scoff at that. _Yeah, right_, he thought. "S-so…what _do_ you do?"

Kanda stared at the redhead blankly for a few seconds and then sighed and turned his head sluggishly to one of the boys sat beside him. "Tell him."

_S-so lazy!_ Lavi thought.

"Yes, sir!" the boy cried. He looked towards the new "recruit" as he cleared his throat. "Nara High has been at the centre of local gang fights for many generations so we, the patrol, play our part in maintaining the situations."

Lavi couldn't help himself; he snorted. "What, you get that from a brochure from something?"

Kanda bonked Lavi over the head with the saya. "Let him finish, bastard."

"S-sorry, boss." Lavi had never had many dealings with delinquents in the past but he knew for sure that no one scared him as much as Kanda did…except maybe Jiji.

The boy who had been explaining continued, "But, sometimes, we make enemies even though we are neutral so we have to deal with them. Like the day before; other gangs refuse to accept our influential position so they demand fights with these terms; if they should win, we will disband and if we win, they are never to question us again."

Lavi raised an eyebrow. "Sounds pretty lame. Why was I recruited anyway?"

"Anyone boss wishes to let into our gang will join, otherwise they will suffer at our hands." A wicked-looking grin stretched the explainer's lips.

Lavi made a face. _They're all delinquents; that story's just a cover for them to beat the shit out of people_.

Kanda frowned. "What're you lookin like that for, bastard?"

Lavi immediately cleared his expression. "Sorry. So, what exactly is the patrol for? And," he looked towards Kanda instead of the boy beside him, "why me?"

Kanda shrugged. "I thought you might be interesting."

Lavi bit his lower lip to keep from saying anything. Things were threatening to spill out which would get him into trouble. _You guys are just bored!_ He wanted to scream. _You're delinquents but you can't be as bad-ass as you wanna be so you pick on people! You're just bullies!_

"You have something to say?" Kanda asked, meeting Lavi's gaze.

Lavi shook his head.

Kanda sighed and sat up properly. "The reason we exist is to make sure the school, be that the actual building or the people in it, don't get harassed. As he said," he jerked a thumb at boy who had been speaking earlier, "this place attracts a lot of fights. And not just your random street brawls; some of them actually have proper reasons behind them. It's our job to mediate the fights and make sure no unnecessary people get caught in the middle."

"So what about the other day? I walked into the middle of a fight and you had some guys try to beat me up." Lavi scoffed.

"Well, there are a few individuals in the patrol who want frequent action but don't get it. Don't worry; those guys were punished."

"I…see…"

There was silence for a while. Kanda yawned and then prodded with his elbow the boy who'd kept silent thus far. "Get me some tea."

"Y-yes, boss!" the boy cried with undue urgency as he jumped to his feet and scurried away.

The door slammed shut. "I just remembered, you," the swordsman said, pointing the end of his sword at Lavi, "I want a cream puff; go get me one."

"I'm not your servant." Lavi grumbled. He may be scared of the fellow but giving into those kinds of demands was calling his pride into question and he wouldn't do it!

"Go."

"No."

"I'll kill you if you don't go."

Lavi swallowed. "If you're asking me to do something because you're too lazy to do it yourself, then I won't go."

A ghost of a smile flickered across Kanda's lips. He sat up straight. Lavi wondered if he was going to get hit. But, instead, Kanda spoke to the other boy, "Toushi was asking about you earlier. Go see what he wanted."

"Yes sir!"

And then they were left alone. Lavi's fear kicked up a notch. It had been all right when there had been others here but Kanda by himself was scary.

"That bruise," the swordsman said, "what happened?"

Lavi's brows furrowed, "eh?"

Kanda pointed at Lavi's face with his sheathed sword, "the bruise there; how d'you get it?"

"Oh," Lavi's hand went to rest on the blemish. He didn't want to tell anyone how he'd got that! It was humiliating!

When Jiji had arrived home yesterday, Lavi hadn't even begun to make dinner because the cleaning had taken too long. He'd taken a long time to calm himself down after Kanda had left so he ended up delaying the making of food. Jiji had kicked him and he'd fallen and hit his head against the corner of the table. It had left a horrible, purple-blue blemish but, thankfully, the bandanna concealed the most of it.

"J-just hit my head against the table when I fell," he said. "Clumsy, huh?"

"Whatever."

Lavi smiled a small smile but, inside he was a little hurt. He'd used that story on everyone who'd asked about the bruise (and about every other bruise that had shown up somewhere visible ever since he'd started this school) and no one had looked into it any deeper than that. For the most part, he was glad but he wanted someone to care enough to ask further and was severely disappointed when no one did.

There was another silence. Kanda unsheathed his sword and pulled out a cloth and began cleaning the blade, even though it was already spotless.

"Why'd you order your men around like they're all servants?" Lavi asked suddenly, intrigued despite himself.

Kanda snorted. "Cuz they're all suck-ups and deserve to be treated like slaves. I hate weak people who bunch around the strong."

"I…uh, I see," Lavi nodded, still confused. "But, don't they look up to you cuz you're the leader or whatever?"

"Tch, if that were the case, they wouldn't be looking for opportunities to surpass me all the time. They remember every single slip-up I've had in the past and, one day, if the opportunity arises, they'll rub it in my face. So, for now," he smirked, "they should eat dirt."

Lavi sighed. "That's so mean."

"The world's mean."

"I know that. I know that too well…"

Kanda glanced up at the reflective tone of voice and saw Lavi looking out over the city. "Somethin happen?"

Lavi snapped out of his thoughts. "No, nothing."

Kanda looked distrustful. "Right."

_Not that you care, one way or another_, Lavi thought.

* * *

A few of Kanda's "patrol" members were in Lavi's class, but only one was present. This boy was the bully of the class but, when Lavi went up to him at the start of the period after lunch (before the teacher arrived), he didn't say anything mean.

"Oh, you're the new member, right?" he said gruffly as Lavi introduced himself.

"Yeah. So, I was just wonderin…what's the deal with that Kanda Yu guy?" Lavi asked. His purpose for talking to this fellow, of course, was getting information on Kanda. Kanda Yu's face was well-known by everybody in the school (especially the girls) but no one seemed to know much more than the fact that he was in the second year and everybody respected him, even the teachers. So he figured someone from the "patrol" might have a better idea.

The delinquent snorted. "That guy just likes to order people around. I'll admit he's the strongest in this school…the whole city even, but he wouldn't be in the patrol if it weren't for his old man."

Lavi frowned. "His old man?"

"Yeah, the principle."

Lavi's eye nearly bogged out of his head. "He's the principle's son?!"

The delinquent rolled his eyes, as if the fact were something obvious. "Yeah, haven't you ever seen the principle? The two of them look exactly like."

Lavi frowned. "Actually, I've never even heard the principle's name, let alone seen him."

The delinquent nodded understandingly, "well, we have cuz we all serve under Kanda but the principle doesn't really show his face around here much. He's ill, ya see."

Lavi cocked his head to the side, looking thoughtful, "ill? With what?"

The delinquent shrugged, looking unconcerned, "something life-threatening and stuff. Well, the principle's gonna go soon and, when he's no longer the head of this school, his son won't be forgiven easily by the teachers. With none of the teachers supporting him, his position as head of the patrol will be called into question and someone else will take it," he snickered, cracking his knuckles, "maybe I'll be the one!"  
Lavi was, quite frankly, disgusted. How could they behave like that to their own leader? "Don't you like him, even a little? Or respect him?"

The other boy scoffed. "Why? Aside from his top five men, he treats everyone like dirt so he deserves the same."

"Hmm…"

So Kanda had been right after all; someday, his underlings would try to overthrow him. And they weren't going to be subtle about it. But, for some reason, Lavi wished Kanda wouldn't go down or, if he did, that he'd go down fighting. He was dignified, that boy. The very air around him was fused with his fiery spirit. Even if he fell, he still ought to be honourable.

Unexpectedly, Lavi was looking forward to the meeting after school, even if he did get late and got beaten up by Jiji.

So, after the bell to signal the end of school went off, Lavi gathered up his things as quickly as he could and raced to the history room.

He liked the history room; all the walls were adorned with factual, colourful posters depicting major events throughout time. He loved history; whatever country it was, the history of it made a good read. Anything was good as long as it was long read, really. He loved to read.

He was studying a poster about Commodore Perry and the Black Ships when the door opened again. "Yo, Yu," he greeted. Since he'd first heard Kanda's full name, he'd been referring to Kanda as "Yu".

If looks could kill, Lavi would have been murdered then and there. "Don't you dare call me that, bastard." Kanda growled. "Otherwise I'll kill you."

Lavi backed away as Kanda advanced. "S-sorry…Yu…"

Kanda drew his sword and was about to lunge but the door opened at that moment and Kanda's second-in-command, Itou, came in. "Er…am I interrupting, boss?" the boy asked.

Kanda sent a quick glare in Lavi's direction and sheathed his sword. "No. Where're the others?"

"They're on their way."

"Good."  
The meeting was soon in session. Kanda listed off names of neighbouring gangs who would be using their school as an arena once again in the coming weeks. There were loads of fights prepared. Lavi found it weird that their school had to be the centre of these fights. He didn't really get what it was all about and he wasn't that interested.

At the end of the short meeting, Kanda said, "and we got a new member. Oi, stand up." He glared purposefully at Lavi. The redhead tried to go for a casual smile as he stood up from his seat but it came out as more of a grimace. He looked around at the twenty or so people who'd assembled.

"Um…well…my name's Lavi," the redhead announced, wondering what else he should say. Generally, at the start of the year, teachers asked students to announce their names and say a little bit about themselves so he decided he'd go with something like that, "and I…I guess I…"

"We don't need a fuckin speech," Kanda said irritably, "you're all dismissed."

Lavi sat back down, feeling humiliated as the other boys laughed at him as they got up to leave. He couldn't believe he'd been feeling sorry for Kanda earlier.

The room cleared out. Lavi had no intention of leaving. Kanda paused at the door, "You coming?"

Lavi looked up sourly, "No."

Kanda looked unbothered, "suit yourself. I'm gonna lock up the school now so you'll have to stay the night."

"I'm coming!"

Kanda had the keys to the school? So what if his dad was the principle? He still shouldn't be the one to lock up. But it did make sense that no teachers had been around that other day when there'd been a big bloody mess on the school grounds. The car park was already empty; the teachers cleared out fast.

"Why do you do this?" Lavi asked as he walked beside Kanda.

"Do what?"

"The patrol and stuff."

Kanda shrugged. "Dunno. Gets me out of class."

"You really are a delinquent."

Kanda snorted. "I might not like class but I still do my work."

Lavi frowned. "If you're not in class to listen to what the teacher says then how d'ya know what you have to do?"

The swordsman shrugged again. "I read up on it."

Lavi found this hard to believe but he didn't question the other boy anymore. They went around the school, locking up all the doors. At one point, Kanda asked, "Why're you here? I can lock up by myself."

Lavi shrugged. He didn't know why he was sticking around either. But, since he was already going to get a beating from his grandfather, he might as well hold off going home. "Dun wanna go home."

Kanda didn't look in the least bit curious and he didn't ask anything more either. For the most part, it was silent as he routinely ducked his head into whatever room they were close to and made sure no unexpected person lingered before going back out and locking the door.

Whenever Lavi got a question in mind, he said it out loud, "Guess those guys really hate your guts, huh?"

Kanda turned his head to frown at him. "Who?"

"Your "underlings"."

He snorted. "Yeah."

Lavi tilted his head to the side as he gazed at the other boy. "So, why not just be nicer to them? They all accept that you're the strongest in the school and they respect you for that but cuz you treat em like shit, they wanna kill you."

"Like I care. When it's my turn to step down, I'll do that; but if they come after me for revenge because I treat em like dirt, then I'll kill them." his dark eyes were hard and cold. There was no mistaking the open threat in his words.

Lavi shivered, reminded once again that the person he was hanging around with was dangerous. "R-right…b-but shouldn't you be a little nicer? I mean…they still follow you cuz you're their leader, ne? If a leader wants to be successful, then he should think about his me a little more, don't you think?"

Kanda snorted. "I never asked for this. I have no obligation to treat them like they mean something."

Lavi frowned. "Then…why're you doin it?"

Kanda shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe cuz my old man pushed it onto me."

"Ah, I heard about your dad. Is he okay?"

"No, he's not. He's dying."

_How can he say that so calmly?_ Lavi wondered. At least the guy still had a father! That was just nasty! "That's really mean, you know."

"And it's none of your business."

"…Fair enough."

Kanda locked up all the doors leading outside and then secured the main entrance. They parted ways at the school gates. "Seeya tomorrow," Lavi called out.

Kanda grunted in response. But as he walked away, a sudden smile adorned his lips. What a curious boy he'd recruited into the patrol.

* * *

"What the hell kept you, fool?!" Jiji snapped, punching the boy in the gut.

Lavi keeled over and fell to his knees. "I'm…I'm sorry, Jiji."

"Sorry doesn't cut it! I get late waiting for you to come back every day, you know that?! I could be getting heaps of work done if it weren't for you!" Jiji punched him across the head and threw down a spare key for the apartment. "That's yours. I've decided I'll leave for work earlier so you'll be home alone when you get back. If anything needs cleaning up; you clean it, understand?"

"Yes, Jiji."

"And make dinner too, even though I'll probably die of some kind of poisoning. Tch, don't know why I bother with you! I'm off!"

Lavi stayed kneeling on the floor as Jiji left, slamming the door behind him. _Life's a pile of crap_, he thought. He wanted to cry. Ever since his parents' death a few months back, everything had lost the spark it once used to hold. In his previous school, everyone in the entire building had been familiar with him but now he couldn't even talk to a girl straight. After the devastating car crash, he'd become more introverted and had begun to spend even more time reading and focusing on his schoolwork.

And, after hearing the news of his parents' death the morning after they'd said they were going for a rare night out together, everything had become grey. And to add to his already dismal world, he'd found out that after spending a few weeks with a friend of his mother's, he would be going to his grandfather's. It was like he'd stopped living since he'd arrived here.

But, even though he wanted to cry, nothing came out. He sat there for fifteen minutes waiting to rid his sorrows in a cascade of salty water but his eye remained dry. For some reason, no matter how sad he felt, he wasn't able to cry. He'd not even cried when he found out about his parents' death, or when he'd looked at their ashen faces all devoid of life. He'd wanted to, certainly, but he'd not been able to. According to his parents, he'd only cried as a baby when he'd either pooped or needed a feed.

_Being a baby must be great_, he thought as he finally picked himself up off the floor and pocketed the key that his grandfather had thrown down. _Time to get to work_.

A few hours later, while he was in the bathroom, he spied the bruise on the side of his face. He slipped off his bandanna to have a closer look. If he remembered correctly, Jiji had punched him right there just before he'd left. The blemish looked hideous. He combed his fingers through his red hair and pulled a few strands before his face to conceal the bruise. He smiled at his reflection. The gesture was so alien.

"My name is Lavi and I get abused every day. How do you do?" He snorted. His attempts at humour got worse day by day.

He brushed his hair back and washed his hands. As he was doing that, he heard a knock at the door. "Wonder who that could be," he mumbled as he stumbled in his haste to leave the bathroom.

He opened the door a crack. "Yu?!" he exclaimed in surprise, throwing the door open.

Kanda glared. "I told you not to call me that." However, he didn't shove a naked sword in Lavi's direction. Something caught his eye and he frowned, stepping forward to take a closer look. "That looks really bad." he commented.

"What does?" Lavi asked, putting a hand up to feel whatever it was Kanda was looking at. He felt tender, hot skin and belatedly realised that he'd forgotten to cover the bruise up. "Ah…um…this is…"

Kanda raised an eyebrow. "From falling and hitting the table?"

"Y-yeah…a-anyway, wh-what're you doin here?" Lavi asked, hurrying to change the subject.

Kanda gazed disapprovingly at the redhead. "What, you're not gonna invite me in? Have some manners, idiot!"

Lavi sighed and stood to the side. "All right, come in…even though this isn't my place. So, what can I do for you?"

The swordsman shrugged, "I was bored."

"Do you often go to see the members of your team when you're bored?"

"Not really."

"I thought not. Why me then?"

Going to sit on the sofa behind the table, Kanda didn't reply. "What's with all these books?"

"Jiji owns a library."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Um…you want some tea?"

"Sure."

_I was hoping he'd say no_, Lavi thought, even though he'd been the one to ask. He didn't mean to be so rude but he didn't want Kanda here in this non-home of his. What if Jiji came and he found someone from Lavi's school here? Obviously, he would assume they were friends and would take it out on Lavi. At least, Lavi assumed this would be so, although the old man had never said anything about bringing friends over.

He slunk into the kitchen and prepared to make some tea. "Jiji drinks pure green tea. That okay?"

"That's fine." Kanda called back.

A few minutes later, Lavi emerged with two cups. Might as well indulge himself while Kanda was here. He set Kanda's cup down at the corner of the table and settled himself on the floor. Kanda was flipping through a book he'd picked off the top of a nearby pile.

"Why're you really here, Yu?" Lavi asked, looking into his steaming cup.

"Don't call me that."

"Yeah, yeah…so, why're you here?"

Kanda frowned. "If you want me to leave, I'll do so."

"No, no…that's not it…it's just…"

"Just what?" he challenged when the other trailed off.

Lavi shook his head. "This isn't my home. Feels weird inviting someone in when I don't own this place."

"But isn't it your grandfather's?"

The redhead shrugged. "Yeah…"

Sensing that the other didn't want to talk, Kanda dropped the issue. "Actually, I was going for a walk. I don't live too far from here. The home's full of shit so I didn't wanna go back."

"Why, someone poop in it?"

Kanda gave him a blank stare.

Lavi laughed uneasily. _How lame, Lavi,_ he scolded. "Ignore that. So, what's so bad about goin home?"

The swordsman shrugged, "the old man won't shut the fuck up."

Lavi frowned disapprovingly. "How can you talk like that about your own dad?"

"What's it to ya?"

Lavi concentrated his attention of the steam rising up out of his cup. "You have a mom?"

Kanda looked confused. "What of it?"

The redhead didn't look up as he mumbled, "I'd do anything to be in your position right now."

"So…your parents are…?"

"…Dead? Yeah…"

There was an awkward silence. Lavi took a sip of the bitter tea and focused on the taste to avoid wondering what was going through the other's mind. What was Kanda thinking now though? No parents, no home, living along with his grandfather, and he had a mysterious huge bruise which he'd made a big deal out of earlier. Damn, he should have tried to act natural! If he'd not fretted over it, Kanda would have passed it off as some trivial matter! But he was banking on Kanda not bothering about what happened to anyone else to care. Lavi didn't need another complication in this stupid life of his.

"There's a fight tomorrow," Kanda said suddenly.

Lavi looked up. "Oh?"

"Yeah…should be interesting. It's so stupid though; two dudes have their gangs fighting cuz of some girl."

Lavi snorted. "Wow…people can be so weird sometimes…"

"Hn…"

"So, when's this happening?"

"After school; five 'o' clock."

Lavi froze. How much longer would he have to suffer for coming back late? But…Jiji had said he'd leave for the library before Lavi got back so if Lavi had everything done by the time the old man came back, there shouldn't be anything wrong with that, right?

Kanda noticed the sudden stillness. "Somethin wrong with that?"

Lavi shook his head. "No. It's fine. But do I have to watch?"

Kanda shrugged. "You don't have to but since you're a member of the patrol, you might as well."

The redhead nodded understandingly. "Right. Why're you call it the patrol?"

"Cuz we keep a watch out for the school…I suppose."

"I see."

There was more silence. Kanda practically downed his tea in one huge gulp which left Lavi in awe. "Wow…"

Kanda made no response as he stood. "Well, guess I better get back before the old hag…sorry, my mom gets worried."

"Yeah…you do that," Lavi mumbled as he stood up and went to see his guest to the door. "Thanks for comin over." Although he said that, he was glad the boy was leaving. He just hoped Jiji wouldn't come back right at this minute.

"Thanks for the tea. Sorry if I troubled you."

Lavi was surprised Kanda had any manners at all. Although, of course, he should have expected it; Kanda had a messed up personality but he always carried himself with a dignified air.

"It was no trouble," the redhead replied. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah." Kanda stalked off. Lavi closed the door and hurriedly went to wash the cups in the kitchen sink.

The door into the apartment slammed shut a few minutes later. "Lavi! Dinner ready?"

"Yeah!" Lavi called out from his room.

"Then get out here and eat, fool!"

He obediently rose from his desk and went to eat. Mealtime, when both grandfather and grandson were home, was family time. They sat in silence on the sofa, eating from bowls of rice. Lavi kept his head down. Every cell in his body was screaming at him to go back to his own room but he controlled himself. Dinner wouldn't last long.  
"I-I'll be going now. I have homework left to do…" he mumbled as he finally put down his bowl and his chopsticks.

"Hmph." was all his grandfather said in response. Lavi took this as consent and rose to go to his room. He shut the door and let out a breath he'd not known he'd been holding. Sitting at his desk, he made quick work of a bunch of maths problems and then leaned back and rubbed his hands down his face.

He couldn't keep going like this. It had been about six weeks since he'd come here and he was quite ready to commit suicide. Before his parents had died, he'd had big dreams. He'd wanted to be an historian, or a doctor, or maybe a psychiatrist. Now he figured he _needed_ a psychiatrist. His dreams had been crushed. The only job he could think of doing now was that of a mortician. The sweet dead that didn't talk back and didn't demand that he act he was alive when he obviously wasn't seemed like his best companions so far.

_How sad_, he thought, _might as well just dig my own grave and bury myself in it_. Now there was an idea!

He took in a deep breath and let it tumble out again. He needed to get away from this life. But he was only seventeen. Until he finished high school, there wasn't a lot he could do. He had to bear with this for another year and some. Goddamn…!

* * *

Kanda saw Lavi rushing to class in the morning and dragged him away, deaf to the redhead's protests. There was something going on with Lavi that Kanda felt uneasy about. It had something to do with the huge bruise he'd seen yesterday and, when he got a better look at Lavi's face, he realised there was another one.

"What happened there?" he asked, pointing at the large plaster on Lavi's jaw.

Lavi looked away. "Um…nothing…fell out of bed."

Kanda snorted. First falling and hitting the table and then falling out of bed? How lame. There was definitely something going on. "What happened? Tell me truthfully."

Lavi looked annoyed as he turned and began to head back to class. "I said I fell, didn't I?! I'm going to class."

Kanda didn't bother going after the redhead. He watched as Lavi disappeared around a corner. A sigh escaped him. The first time he'd shown open concern for someone's wellbeing and he'd been pushed away. No wonder he hated people; first they preached about how good, and _humane_ it was to make friends and care about others and then they went and shat on their own beliefs. He harrumphed and decided to patrol the school grounds.

Break time soon came and he headed up to the roof. Lavi was already there. "Feeling any better?" Kanda asked.

Lavi didn't say anything. He was facing out, looking at the city, hugging his knees close to his chest. "I want to run away." he whispered.

Kanda barely heard it as he sat down beside the redhead. "Why?"

"Cuz life sucks."

He snorted. "You're tellin me."

"Does your life suck too?"

"I suppose it does."

"At least your granddad doesn't treat you're like a fuckin…" Lavi trailed off, shaking his head. "Never mind."

Kanda's brows furrowed. _So, his grandfather abuses him?_ The bruises, the anxiousness when Kanda had gone to visit yesterday, the ever-present sense of glumness which followed the redhead around like a dog would go after a bone...it made sense. "You…how long's it been since your parents died?"

Lavi looked surprised. "Why'd you wanna know?"  
Kanda shrugged. "Just."

"Um…Three months."

"But you've not been here that long." School records were open to the patrol, even though most of Kanda's underlings were delinquents who would never do anything useful with the information. Kanda had found out Lavi's address and details that way.

"Yeah, I was bein taken care of by my mom's friend til the authorities contacted gramps and arranged for me to come stay with him."

"Hn…"

There was silence. Now that Kanda knew what Lavi's problem was, he didn't know what to do about it.

"Hey…have you ever felt like crying?" the redhead asked. He'd not turned away from the view of the city once during their conversation.

"Not really. I tend to vent when I'm stressed."

Lavi smirked. "How macho. But I wish I could cry."

"There's…there's nothing wrong with that…I don't think…" the swordsman replied awkwardly. What was he supposed to say? He was honestly concerned about this pathetic fool.

"I can't cry."

"Why not? If you want to, then you should be able to, right?"

"I wish I could but I can't. My parents died and I felt like I was being torn in half but I didn't cry. One time in elementary school, I took a bullet to the eye and I felt like I was going to die but I didn't cry. I screamed for a good two hours though." A mirthless snicker escaped Lavi's lips as he looked back on his memories.

Kanda was quite alarmed. "You got hit by a bullet? What'd you _do_?"

"We were going through a really rough part of town; hoodlums everywhere, fights known to break out…and people toting guns were commonplace. There was a fight going on and some dude suddenly pulled out a gun and shot. Caught me _right_ in the eye."

"Sounds painful."

"Yeah…when you're a seven year old kid, it seems like judgement day's arrived and you're payin for your sin a hundredfold. Fuck, I think I forgot who I was for the entire two hours that I was clutching my eyeball."

Kanda was still pretty alarmed. He didn't come across guns very often; the fights he dealt with involved clubs, knives, fists, or swords. Though, to his knowledge, he was the only one proficient with the latter in the entire area. More people should take up kendo. But that was hardly relevant to Lavi's little speech.

"Has it healed?"

Lavi snorted. "If it had healed I wouldn't be wearing an eye patch. Can't even open my damn eye properly. It's gonna be scarred forever." There was a slight pause. "…Not the only thing that's gonna be scared forever."

Kanda turned his head to gaze properly at the redhead. Lavi's green eye was vacant, as if devoid of life entirely. "You look dead." he commented.

"Good, cuz I dun feel very alive."

_Wow, he's disagreeable today,_ Kanda thought. Well, not like he really knew Lavi to be able to make such an assumption but Lavi was usually a little livelier than this. "What happened to you?"

Lavi shrugged. "I don't really know."

Kanda's people skills weren't exactly top-notch so he wasn't sure how he should proceed. But he wanted to say something to lessen this boy's pain. He'd never been so considerate to another before. But Lavi was different to the people Kanda had been surrounded by the majority of his life. Lavi wasn't a suck up who wanted to be the title of Nara High's best and strongest for himself. Lavi wasn't the kind to avoid saying something to him just because Kanda was head of the patrol or the principle's son.

Thinking about his situation, Kanda felt grim too. The day would soon come when he would get surrounded by his own "subordinates" and get beaten down. Fuck, he'd never even wanted this position to begin with! He blamed the stupid old man for appointing him the head of the patrol. The patrol was a stupid tradition anyway…but at least it did get him out of class. He hated sitting with all those losers.

"You said you wanted to run away, right?" he mumbled.

"Hn?"

"Then run away. I'll go with you."

Lavi sat up properly and looked at him in puzzlement. "You serious? I'd do it, ya know."

"I'm dead serious."

Their gazes met. There was no dishonesty or light-heartedness to be detected. All Lavi saw was fierce contempt and weariness. A small grin curled the corner of his mouth. "You're on."

* * *

Itou, the second-in-command of the patrol, was just doing his rounds of the school when his boss stepped in his path. "Oh, boss! Afternoon!"

Kanda didn't offer a greeting in return. Instead, he leant back against the wall behind him and folded his arms across his chest. "Itou, you know you're to take over the patrol when my time's up, right?"

Itou frowned. The boss never talked about when his time would be up. This was strange. "Um…w-well, the agreement was that everyone would fight it out and whoever won would get the position of boss." He didn't want another boss though.

He knew boss ordered his men around like they were slaves but boss wasn't all that bad a person. He'd saved Itou from a group of thugs once and, since then, Itou had been devoted to the boss's cause. He didn't understand why the rest of the boys couldn't see how good a person the boss really was. So he wound them up a bit, big deal! That was their own fault for being so shallow and wanting nothing more than battle and glory! Boss didn't need to take those kinds of guys under his wing!

"There'll be no discussion over this." Kanda said. He dug around in the inside pocket of his black coat and dug out an envelope. "That's my resignation and appointment of a new leader. Give it to the next principle."

Itou's eyes were wide. "Th-the next principle…? B-but…your father isn't…?"

"Dead yet? No, he's not. But it's only a matter of time and then the patrol's gonna go wild over who's gonna lead next."

"But, boss, why're you appointing the next leader? I mean, I know your opinion will mean a lot but…isn't this too soon?"

A small smile curved the corner of Kanda's lips and he turned around. "Well, you know if something happens to the leader, the second-in-command has to take over, right? Well, you're not going to see me around anymore." And, with that, he began to walk away.

Itou frowned, trying to comprehend what his boss was saying, "b-but, boss, you're…"

"Ja ne." Kanda put a hand up, not even bothering to say a proper goodbye. "All the best with the patrol."

"Boss…" Itou watched the other boy walk away, reverence in his gaze. The boss was so cool! "Thanks, boss!"

The strange little smile was still stretching across Kanda's lips as he rounded a corner and made for the school entrance. _My part in the patrol is finally over_, he thought with gladness. _Oyaji might not be too happy with it, especially since he's on his deathbed but…the hell? It's about time I did something for myself_.

There was still a lot of time left until the final bell rang but Kanda and Lavi were going to leave anyway. They'd had enough already. The sooner they left, the better.

Lavi was waiting by the school gates. "Ready?" he asked.

Kanda nodded. "Let's go."

It was a fresh start. At this moment, they were happy and raring to take on the world. They would move to a new place in another city, and would get enrolled in another school. Perhaps it was a rash decision for two boys who barely new one another but the springtime of youth was a beautiful and glorious thing. Why regret something that _was_ over something that _could_ have been?

* * *

"You're late."

Kanda closed the door behind him, not bothering to answer the redhead sat on the sofa. "Something happen?" Lavi called out. But all he received in response was the slamming of a door as Kanda stormed into his room.

"Clearly, kendo club was a blast," the redhead said dryly as he turned to the small television he'd been watching earlier.

Kanda emerged from his room and went to the bathroom with a fresh outfit and a towel slung over his arm. He didn't say a word. Lavi didn't move from the sofa. And he was still sitting there when Kanda emerged some time later. He paused to stare at his roommate. "Do something useful, would you?"

Lavi looked back. "Like what, Yu?"

"Dinner needs to be made. I did it yesterday so it's your turn today."

"I know. I'll make it in a bit."

"Just don't burn it."

The redhead grinned apologetically, reminded that he wasn't the best cook around. "I'll try."

Kanda went to stuff his dirty laundry in the washing machine that sat under the counter in the open plan kitchen.

"Oi, lemme see your maths homework. I still need to do mine." he said as he disappeared inside his room once more, only to emerge a few seconds later with some books in hand.

"You should do it yourself. You're not going to learn anything if you copy, Yu." Lavi informed wisely.

Kanda whacked the side of the redhead's face with an exercise book. "Shut up. I get that enough from the teachers; don't need it from you."

Lavi gazed sourly at the black-haired boy as he nursed his face. "Well, they say it for a reason."

"Tch, fine. Then talk me through it cuz I dun understand one word of it."

Lavi groaned. "Can't it wait? I wanna watch this drama that's gonna come on now."

"Fuck that. Help me and I'll make dinner?" Kanda offered.

Lavi cradled his chin between his thumb and index finger, weighing the pros and cons of such an agreement. Dinner would probably get burnt if he made it, as it usually did. But Kanda had to learn to do his own work.

After mulling it over, he nodded, "you got a deal."

"Great. Now do this stupid thing."

"Wha…?! I'll help you with it but I won't do it for you!"

"C'mon, just do it! I'm gonna fall asleep if I have to keep looking at this! Remember, dinner?"

Lavi heaved a mighty sigh. "Fine, fine, but I'll explain it to you so try to concentrate, okay? We have a quiz comin up the day after tomorrow."

"No way! Fuck, when'd that guy decide on that?!"

"In class today…while you were sleeping…"

"I wasn't sleeping!"

"Yes you were; I heard you snoring."

"Shut up, I don't snore!"

"Oh, then I was hearing things?"

"You always hear things, you nutcase!"

"Now that's just nasty."

"Whatever, let's just get on with this fuckin thing!"

"…Yes boss."

Lavi took the textbook from Kanda's hands and opened it up to the relevant page and began to talk through the questions as he wrote down the answers, trying his best to imitate Kanda's scrawl.

A few minutes later, Lavi closed both the textbook and the exercise book and stretched. "Done."

"Thanks." Kanda picked up the books and went to drop them in his room. "Guess I'll make dinner now."

"'Kay."

Soon, the aroma of food filled the whole apartment as Kanda started to cook. He was a far more competent cook than Lavi had ever been. The best Lavi could do was make roasted potatoes topped with melted cheese.

But, as far as abilities were concerned, Lavi and Kanda were a pretty balanced pair. One would rather pay more attention to tasks which required physical effort, likes sports, while the other concentrated on the academic aspect. One liked to talk a lot while the other preferred to listen. One was open with everybody while the other kept to himself. And Lavi could clean the place from top to bottom within an hour but food was his one weakness, the one thing Kanda was good with.

Kanda set down two dishes. Lavi looked and groaned. "Soba _again_?! What's with you?"

Kanda sat down. "Shut up. If you don't want it, don't eat it."

"No, no, it's fine…better than anything I could make anyway," Lavi mumbled as he picked up his chopsticks and dug in. "So, why were you late today? I thought kendo club finished at half four?"

Kanda took his time in replying. "Yeah but…something came up."

Lavi frowned. "Like what?"

The black-haired boy's response was barely more than a whisper, "I saw someone…someone familiar."

"From…?"

"Nara High."

"Shit!" the redhead exclaimed in surprise. "No way! Who was it?!"

Kanda took in a deep breath. "A relative of mine, from the old man's side…he's in third year."

"D-do you think…they're looking for you?"

"No, I must have some unknown relatives living here. Tch, you're so stupid; who else would they be looking for?"

Lavi frowned, "but…how the hell would they know to look here?"

Kanda sighed. "I used to tell the old man…back when I was a kid, that I wanted to live in Kyoto. I used to say it a lot."

Lavi bit his lower lip. "So…it's really them?"

Kanda nodded.

"Then…what should we do? Why're they here anyway? I didn't think they'd actually come looking all the way here!"

He scoffed. "Well, when you have an obsessive father like mine, you should expect things like this."

Lavi gazed at him curiously. Kanda didn't often talk about his father. "You make him sound like a bad guy; I mean, wouldn't all parents do anything in their power to get their runaway kids to come back home?"

"Tch, he's not just an overprotective parent; he can't stand losing control over something he sees as his possession."

"Possession? He sees you as a possession?"

Kanda gave a curt nod, a small scowl upon his lips. "I didn't enrol in Nara High because I wanted to. I didn't join the patrol because I wanted to. I didn't become the head of the patrol because I wanted to. That was all his doing. But, ever since I was a kid, it was instilled in me to do whatever he asked, like I was some kind of mindless slave. At the age of six, I didn't start going to a dojo because I wanted to…although I'm thankful for that."

"At the age of six?!" Lavi asked, incredulous.

"Yeah. Got beaten senseless cuz the old man told sensei he could be as hard as he wished with me."

"That's horrible!"

Kanda shrugged. "It's in the past. Maybe all my training was so that I could become the head of the patrol, though I'm fairly sure it was for his own social gain."

Lavi frowned. "How d'ya mean?"

"The patrol's very influential, you know that, right?"

"Yeah…"

"And it opens a lot of doors where people from other schools are concerned…that means, every single person who's ever been to any of those schools has to acknowledge the power of the patrol and, being the father of the head was a bonus…"

"I'm not quite sure I understand…how would it open doors?"

"I mean...it's like…every school has its own individual contacts, right? Be that with the authorities or maybe even famous people who attended one of those schools."

"Ah, I think I get that."

"Right. And if someone had all these contacts at their fingertips? It would mean standing up there with the most outstanding people in society. People would say "that guy, he seems so familiar with everyone", or "his son's the head of the Nara High patrol", you know? Social advancement. People would be rushing to follow him. It's all for social renown."

Lavi took in a deep breath. "That's…pretty shallow."

Kanda scoffed. "The old man _defines_ shallow. He thinks of nothing but himself and his own comfort. But then he got this disease and started to get ill. After that, I tried to back off from the patrol but he wouldn't have any of it. He said I was to stay no matter what. I didn't see the point but I did it anyway. But I didn't have the heart for it. The guys in the patrol knew this. They tried to get the better of me but…Tch, what idiots; they actually thought I'd go down that easily! That's why I didn't care how badly I treated them; they cared for nothing except the position of patrol boss and they'd even go so far as killing me over it so what the hell? They ought to suffer too."

Lavi could barely contain his curiosity as the unexpected narration paused. Kanda hardly ever opened up like this; the only time he really talked about something that was bugging him was when the issue in question reached past a certain level and he couldn't take it anymore and needed some advice…or just needed to get it out of his system. Lavi supposed even the hardest of men needed to let loose sometimes.

And besides, they were still kids and they'd both made a rash decision to leave home for good, without giving it a second thought; perhaps Kanda was feeling a little bit of regret as he looked back? After all, his father may have been harsh to him but they were still family.

"So, what is it?" the redhead asked. "You want to go back? I bet you're worried about him…"

"Tch! As if! The old man's going to die and he can rot in hell for all I care!" Kanda spat, jumping to his feet. "Sorry for making you listen to all that shit. I'm going for a walk."

"Ok…"

He stomped out the front door, slamming it shut behind him. Lavi heaved a sigh as he stood up and went to wash the dishes.

Kanda was worried. If not about his father, then about getting discovered by that third-year relative he'd mentioned. Lavi wondered what to do. He didn't want to go back to Jiji either but if Kanda left for home on his own then Lavi would probably go too since he'd lose the will to continue here. Kanda had been the one to spur him on when he'd said he wanted to leave home. If it weren't for Kanda, he'd have gone back to his grandfather long ago.

Lavi was glad they'd left; this independent life was so much better than coming home to Jiji every day. And he was sure Kanda was glad too; he didn't show it much but Lavi just got a feeling the other boy was more content trying to be a normal student in a normal school rather than having to run the patrol every day. He'd even joined the kendo club, although Lavi was certain that he was the strongest swordsman there, the teacher included. But, even if it _was_ useless, as long as it gave Kanda something to focus on, it was a good thing.

A few hours later, when Lavi was about to get ready to go to bed, Kanda came back. Lavi stopped on his way to his room. "Oh, you're back."

The swordsman closed the door behind him and went to the sofa. "Have a seat. I have something to tell."

Curious, Lavi did as he was told and flopped down beside his flatmate. There was a small grin curving the corners of Kanda's mouth, which wasn't a common sight. "So, what's this about?" Lavi asked.

The grin didn't waver as Kanda started to talk, "let's move."

Lavi's expectations froze. "What?! That's crazy! We only got here a few weeks ago!"

Kanda appeared not to have heard. "We'll move to Tokyo. I mean, no matter how many people oyaji has searching for me, he'll never find me if I go to the capital, right? Tokyo's huge; there's no way they'll find me, even if they come and look. The only reason they checked this place was because oyaji and me came for a small holiday with oyaji's friend's boy when I was a kid and I liked it here."

"But, still, Kyoto's huge too! Maybe you should have thought to settle in another neighbourhood than the one you came to visit years and years ago! If you knew they were gonna come after you, why'd you pick a place they woulda searched first thing?!"

"Don't yell at me, stupid rabbit. I didn't know where else to go; I don't like strange places."

"You ran away from home; how on earth could you do that if you don't like strange places?!"

"Because any place is better than home…?"

"The why pick a place you're already familiar with?!"

"Shut up. You're confusing me."

Lavi groaned and rubbed at his eye. "What're we going to do now?"

Kanda shrugged and leaned back into the sofa. "Like I said, let's move to Tokyo."

"And do what? We're barely managing here; how're we going to survive over there?"

"Well, I still got my credit card; there's probably enough money in there to pay for an apartment for a good few months."

As expected of a wealthy man's son, Kanda was loaded. Lavi felt bad that Kanda was the one paying for all their expenses. That was why he tried to make it as easy as possible for Kanda by frequently helping out the long-haired boy with homework and maintained the apartment.

"And what about after that runs out? And what about living costs?"

"We work."

Lavi sighed. "Makes sense…even if I don't want to do it."

"Well, we'd have to do it anyway cuz this money won't last long."

"So…when do we move?"

Kanda took his time replying. He reached for the TV remote and, pressing it on, he leaned back into the sofa and put his feet up on the table. There was a subtly content expression on his face. "Tomorrow morning."

"TOMORROW?!" Lavi exploded. "What're you on about?! We can't just up and leave!"

"Why not? We did that when we were in Nara High."

"B-but…that was…" Lavi stammered, not knowing what it was he was trying to say. In Nara High, he'd felt like he'd reached rock bottom and he'd wished ardently to have a different life. When Kanda had extended the offer of joining him in this new life, he'd taken it. That had been his cue for trying to climb back up the deep, dark pit he'd fallen into.

But, that time, he'd not given a single thought on what to do about school; he'd just needed something to do.

He clicked his tongue. "What about school?"

"We'll start again."

"But…we can't keep moving around, Yu! There's only two months left until the school year's out; if we go to another school, what if their curriculum's way ahead and we get behind on the exams and fail?"

Kanda still looked unfazed. Well, nothing fazed him, in all honesty. Lavi had never seen Kanda lose his cool. He was kind of envious of the boy. "I wouldn't worry about that."

"Why not?"

"Cuz you're a genius, right? I'll leave it to you."

Lavi chuckled nervously. "Thanks for the compliment…but you're trying to take the easy way out, aren't you?"

The other boy shrugged. "Anything works."

"I hate that about you; you don't ever think about the needs of others, do you?"

Kanda scoffed. "You're not some inept fool, are you? I trust that you know how to take care of your own needs so there's no reason for me to worry about you. You're not a child."

Coming from Kanda, that was a compliment too. He was being nice today. Lavi sighed. "All right. I'll start packing then." He stood up and stumbled towards his room.

He was at the door when Kanda spoke again. "Yo?"

"Yeah?"

Kanda smiled a small smile. "We're _never_ going back to that place."

"I know."

"So, let's sever all ties with the past from here on out, okay? No talk of Nara or family or anything anymore, all right?"

A soft smile stretched across Lavi's lips too. He was only too happy to oblige. "You got it."

* * *

Bit long, eh? Heh heh. And I realise I might have ruined it from the bit where Lavi and Kanda make the decision to leave. I mean, I had something else planned but the story was drawing out too long and I wanted to end it. If I'd continued, it probably would have gotten to twice the size it is. But, still, I is proud of it :D

And Kanda probably smiled more than Lavi did in this fic...how strange, but I hope no one had any objections :D

And, yes, they were both fairly OOC but the setting demanded this so...yeah...hope you enjoyed it!

And I'm still up for ideas, people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

Edit: A huge block of text added to the original story. This one-shot now actually seems complete ^_^


	5. Whispers in the Dark

Huzzah! I managed to get another one up, even though my head's empty XD though, you will find, this one's just like a freakin angst-ier and more plausible (only _slightly_ more plausible, mind you) version of the second one-shot (at least, I think it was the second one..._, well the one where Kanda's up late reading and then they fall asleep on the roof lol) :( and I'm so happy I managed to get it more than 2000 words :D

Song: Whispers in the Dark by Skillet (oh, goodness, that song is totally suitable for yaoi. But I'm just using the title cuz I'm unoriginal that way XD)

Enjoy, everybody!

**_

* * *

_**Leaning against the door of the roof, Kanda slid down to the cold hard floor. He turned his face up to the heavens, letting the rain pelt his skin.

The pain crept into his chest once more and he wrapped his arms tightly around himself. _Go away_, he pleaded, _go away, please_…

Standing in the void separating life and death, he'd looked on. He'd looked on as people had lived out their lives, happy and content with how they'd spent their fleeting existences. He wanted to be cold-hearted, to not care about what others did. He thought he'd succeeded…how wrong he'd been…because, after all, he was human too…

He hated this weakness! A bitter part of him wished for the Akuma that he fought to kill whoever was near, so that those remaining behind would get a taste of what it was he went through every day…and then he'd feel guilty for thinking such things. He'd been given this life for a specific reason; he had to defeat the Akuma before they tore out chunks of the human population. He had to carry out the orders given him. He had no other purpose.

But, all the same, he couldn't abandon his stupid heart. He scowled as the pain grew. He tightened his grip further, willing himself to get it together.

From his position at the border of life and death, as he'd watched those around him, he'd begun to desire that kind of life…he'd begun to desire attachments, bonds…it was all so stupid! Why should he care about that?! He'd leave this life before long and seeking those kinds of things would only result in regret! He didn't want to leave with regrets! He…didn't want to be weak…!

Sitting here, he convinced himself this was only temporary. Come the morning, he would be back to his usual self. That was just rain falling down his cheeks. But the pain in his heart didn't abate; the rivulets running down his face weren't just from the rain; they came from his eyes. He shut them tightly, willing himself to stop…

But he couldn't! He couldn't get it to stop. So he let himself drown in his angst. Surely, there was nothing wrong with…letting it take over…just this once? Maybe...after his eyes ran dry, this accursed pain would go away too…? If that was the case, he'd be glad to let the sadness take control. At least he wouldn't be seen up here, not at this late hour.

How long had it been now, since these damned feelings had started to slowly cripple him from the inside? At first, the only thing he'd felt had been an urgency; an urgency to complete his missions…and to bring salvation to the souls caged within the Akuma. And then he'd found a sympathiser in Allen Walker, someone who cared for the souls of the Akuma too. But Allen's goodwill hadn't stopped there; he'd go so far as to give himself to save those before him…such a selfless act, such a stupid deed, had been alien to Kanda. Since then, he'd begun to pay more attention to the lives of those around him and, inevitably, he'd begun to desire to have lives like they did. But it was impossible! He would die soon! He had no life outside of this war; that was his meaning in life, after all. Living a life with happiness was impossible…

The door handle turned, bringing him out of his grim musings. But the door wouldn't open because he was leaning against it. He felt the pressure behind him as whoever it was tried to open the door a few more times. Kanda didn't make a sound; no one needed to know he was up here…no one had to see him like this…

"Yu?"

_Shit!_ He thought. What was that idiot doing up here at this time?!

"What're you doin?" Lavi asked, trying to open the door once more.

Kanda didn't reply and didn't budge.

"C'mon, Yu, I know you're there. Move, wouldja?"

He still didn't speak.

"Yu…" On the other side, Lavi sighed and slid down the door to sit on the landing at the top of the stairs. "What's bothering you?"

He looked up at the ceiling, hoping for an answer. Something was wrong with Kanda. Recently, every time he'd looked at the boy, he'd seen it; a sort of aura which radiated melancholy and anguish. He'd seen the boy heading up a while ago and, out of curiosity, he'd followed.

He got no response. He looked down at the stairs in front of him. He'd not been able to sleep these past few days, even though Bookman worked him to the bone and he was tired. With the Earl frequently on the move, there was a lot to record about the war.

Maybe that was why he couldn't sleep; his friends were right in the middle of this fight for the world. Each mission seemed to become more and more dangerous and he couldn't help the worry which bloomed within his heart.

What would he do if one of his colleagues came back with severe, irreparable injuries? What if any of them came back…dead? It was enough to drive him insane. He'd be fooling himself if he said he'd just continue on like normal, that he'd move onto his fiftieth alias with absolutely no feeling inside.

"You know, Yu, when I first came to the Order and I met you an Lenalee, I thought 'I wonder if I could make that guy become my friend?' I guess it never worked, huh? I mean, I tried to approach you but you always shunned me. But…I guess, that offer of friendship wasn't real back then, you know, what with me bein a Bookman an whatnot. It was just a game." He didn't know if Kanda could even hear him over the sound of the falling rain, but he kept talking anyway, just for something to do.

"But…you know, I think…it's pretty real now…"

Allen was a great friend, and so were Lenalee and Krory and the others. But, could they really understand what he was going through? They were already aware of what it was that Bookmen did but would they understand the extent of his pain? He had no use for this heart but he didn't want to abandon it either. He wanted to be a Bookman but he wanted to keep his friends too and that was just not a realistic possibility. Maybe this was another reason why he couldn't sleep these days; thoughts of wanting both these lives constantly ate at him.

"I wouldn't mind being your friend, Yu…" he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

Out on the roof, Kanda was wiping furiously at his eyes. _Don't give me such things_, he thought._ Please don't…friendships are temporary and easily broken…I don't need unfulfilled desires such as these…_"What do you want?"

Lavi was surprised despite himself. Kanda has actually spoken! "What's up with ya, Yu? What're you doin out there at this hour?"

"That's…none of your business…" Kanda's voice was strained.

Lavi frowned. "C'mon, Yu. You should talk things out when you're upset."

"I just said it's none of your business!"

He huffed. It was stupid to think Kanda would open up to him. Kanda was always reserved. He didn't hold any interest in people; for him, nothing mattered except getting the job done…at least, that was everybody's opinion. "All right, if you won't talk, then will you listen?"

Kanda frowned. "To what?"

"Me talking."

"Tch, why would I do that?"

"Cuz I'm your friend…?"

Kanda stared hard at the ground. _Empty bonds mean nothing…don't give me such a thing…_He'd never desired anything like that before. But now…should he accept this friendship? He…didn't need it. It was weak! It was useless! And it was fleeting, especially in their line of work…but, all the same, he found himself wishing for it…he was so pathetic! He didn't need anyone! Others weren't going to help accomplish the missions he was set, were they?! People were just distractions! Labels like friendship meant nothing! Why couldn't he convince himself of this?! He'd done fine for the first eighteen years of his life and now he was having doubts?! How ridiculous!

"Fine…talk," he said after a heavy pause.

A small smile spread across Lavi's lips and he unfurled his legs and laid them across the landing, leaning back so his head was against the door too. "Can you imagine, Yu, living your life without givin a damn about others? You make some awesome pals and then you gotta up and leave someday, never to look back…do you think that's fun, Yu?"

"Tch, you're asking me?" Kanda scoffed.

"Heh, good point. Anyway, you make promises to your friends and then you gotta break them because you'll never be able to stay with them…" the Bookman apprentice scoffed. He couldn't do it. He couldn't just leave these guys. They'd all fought together, they'd all faced the Earl and the Noah together, they defeated the Akuma together; he couldn't give up on them that easily. Whatever happened, he couldn't just continue as he had done for the past forty-eight aliases. Friends like these, he knew, didn't come easily and breaking away from them was not an option.

Kanda shifted around so he was sitting sideways to the door, as if the movement would mean something to the one who'd been speaking. It was like he could feel Lavi's uncertainty through the wooden obstacle which sat between them. "If you don't want to leave, you shouldn't have to…" he said to the door.

Lavi turned to the side so he could look at the door too. Kanda had actually given his opinion willingly! This was unusual. "It's not that simple, Yu."

"So make it that simple. Where there's a will, there's a way, right?"

Lavi blinked owlishly. He couldn't make it that simple! Words like that were easily tossed around but things were never that straightforward. Everything was complex…_too_ complex. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just…can't. If you had a goal you'd been aiming for your whole life and then something came up which made it impossible to carry out that goal effectively, you can't just decide to suddenly change the way it's supposed to be."

Kanda heaved himself to his feet and opened the door. "Whoa!" Lavi fell onto his back. "OW! Coulda given a warning, Yu!" he groaned, not bothering to move. Kanda stood over him, blocking out most of the rain as little droplets fell all around him.

"Idiot." Kanda did something surprising, again. He extended a hand. Lavi looked up with one wide eye for a second or two before he took the proffered hand and allowed himself to be hauled to his feet. "Thanks, Yu."

"Tch…" Kanda strode inside.

"Where ya goin, Yu?" Lavi asked, following after the boy.

"To sleep."

"Oh, I see."

Looking at Kanda, Lavi could tell that the air of melancholy that he'd been feeling from Kanda recently was, although not gone, at least significantly lessened. He wondered if his words had had any effect…he hoped so.

There was silence for a while. And then Kanda spoke. "If you can't make it simple, then perhaps you ought to just leave it and go back to how it used to be."

Lavi cocked his head to the side. "I can't do that either."

"Then, if you're not even going to attempt anything, you don't have the right to complain." Kanda cast him a glance. His gaze was narrowed, daring him to disagree.

Lavi smiled a thin smile. "Heh…you have a point. Pathetic, isn't it?"

Kanda scoffed. "I can agree with that."

"Haha, you're harsh." But, Lavi had to agree. He shouldn't be complaining if he wasn't ready to do something about it. There had to be some way to keep his heart and be a Bookman at the same time. There _had_ to be…like Kanda had said "where there's a will, there's a way". And Lavi was determined to find it. After all, he was a genius, wasn't he? And if this was what he really wanted, then gramps wasn't going to keep him from it.

"Lavi's" existence was the one he had grown to cherish the most. He wasn't just a nameless Bookman; he was Lavi, Exorcist of the Black Order, and friend to Yu Kanda, Allen Walker, Lenalee Lee, and many others who were trying their damned hardest every single day to save the world from the clutches of the Millennium Earl. This was his place, where he belonged.

He stepped up beside Kanda and suddenly put an arm around the other boy. "Thanks, Yu." He grinned.

"O-oi, what's with you?! Get off!" Kanda snapped, not knowing how else to react to the sudden gesture.

"Just wanted ta say thanks to my bestest buddy in the whole world!"

"_Who's_ your best…whatever?! Get off!" he shrugged off the offending arm and hurried on to his room.

"G'night, Yu!"

"Whatever."

"Sleep tight, Yu!"

Kanda made no response.

"Dun let the bed bugs bite, Yu!"

"SHUT UP! Idiot…!" he closed the door. He didn't feel in the least aggravated. Rather, there was a small smile curving the corners of his lips. Had he made himself a friend? Well…Lavi was friendly with everyone…but he got the feeling the offer of friendship was more genuine than what Lavi showed everyone else in the Black Order. Maybe it was because they were both Exorcists…colleagues…_comrades_…

He didn't mind this friendship.

* * *

I hope the ending was satisfactory. Oh, and for the last one-shot, if you didn't notice already , I edited the end so check it out if yer still interested :D and, Niacy, no continuation I'm afraid but I thought the ending was more complete now ^_^ and thank you guys for the reviews! Much appreciated :)


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